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Unexpected Peeves

I will deal with unexpected pervs in a later post, probably many later posts. This particular topic deserves the creation of a special tag, like, “I’m wearing my cranky pants. What are you wearing?” Without further ado, I present the beginnings of my list…

Things I Didn’t Think Would Irritate Me About Doing Phone Sex

(a list in progress)

• Having to pretend to give a blow-job in the middle of washing dishes. Sucking two fingers is the best sound effect for that, and I never have time to rinse my hands thoroughly before picking up the phone.
• Cold toast, cold dinner… whatever food I may be heating up, there is a chance that I will be interrupted within the first two bites to get a call. Thank god for 30-minute call blocks, but sometimes I want to eat my pork chop while it’s still warm.
• My ass falling asleep. Yeah, baby, in our shared world, I may be sprawled in my velvet easy chair or swinging from a fucking chandelier, but in my embodied world, I am sitting at my desk in a freecycled chair, which means it’s lopsided, slightly too low, and inadequately cushioned.