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1-900-ROMANCE

(Or the strange phenomenon known as GFE)

When someone posted on the PSO support forum about a GFE call, I was stumped. People were going on about GFE like it was an industry-standard acronym, but it sure as shit wasn't in my company's handbook (a 12-page, badly edited text document with pink used for emphasis). I asked, and my colleagues clarified: GirlFriend Experience.

Ahhh. No wonder I didn't know what it was. Most of my callers are more into panty parties or BBCs or slut-fuck gangbangs, and unless they share lipstick tips with their girlfriends or routinely call them whores as part of their courtship--hey, I don't know, it probably happens!--then they aren't looking for a girlfriend.

But then I started thinking through my callers, the real regulars, and while I don't think the callers themselves would classify me as a GFE, they were asking me for all the traits of one:

  • Romance. One of my guys "shows up" for his calls on my doorstep, wearing boxers and a big grin, and carrying a bag of whatever toys or goodies he wants to unleash on me (for my birthday it was a waterproof vibrator and a cream-filled milk chocolate cock). Also, a dozen long-stemmed red roses. Awww!
  • Non-sex-related conversation. Dale called me a few weeks ago, looking for some advice on how to introduce himself to BBWs (Big Beautiful Women). Since then he's called back a few times; sometimes we fuck, and sometimes we just talk.
  • Regularity. Consistency (the first one sounded like a different situation) I have a standing call with a trucker from Iowa. Every Tuesday evening at around 10:30. The dispatcher doesn't even ask him anymore if he's looking for anyone in particular, she just patches him through. Just last week we agreed that we should let the other person know ahead of time if anything is going to come up the following week. Oh, hell... we're scheduling date nights. If that isn't a GFE, I'd like to know what is.

Point is, some of my callers are looking for something in addition to or beyond sex. They want a connection, a feeling that someone is on the other end who cares. The GFE is primarily about being a fun conversationalist, having a listening ear, letting your "partner" know how much you appreciate the roses, keeping them in the loop.... All the things that go into a good, IRL girlfriend still apply here.

And you know what? Even if I have to check my note cards every now and then... I can give them that.

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