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Phone sex etiquette (part 1)

I love this tip sheet directed at clients of escorts, on how to be a good john. It's rarely going to be seen by the people who really need to see it, but I'm glad it's out there. Kinda helps remind us that we are worthy enough to keep these boundaries in mind, you know?

My phone sex tip sheet is going to be a little different on the surface--it's such a different line of work, after all--but you can see that the take-away idea is the same: I'm a skilled worker, doing my best to get you off. Respect me.

Okay, so how do you respect me? Here are some good starting points:

DON'T TRY TO GET OFF TALKING TO THE DISPATCHER. That is not in her job description. She is going to be irritated, and believe me, you want to keep her on your side.

ANSWER THE PHONE PROMPTLY. Unless your wife just walked in or you are finishing up that enema, don't make my call go to answer machine. I know you're ready. We just talked to you. Oh, and next time? Finish the enema first and then call.

DON'T CALL IN WONDERING WHERE WE ARE. I don't think this is a double standard; it's just an occasional glitch in any service industry. Occasionally calls can run over (see below), or we have to run take a leak between calls, anything can happen. Wait for a bit before you call out the SWAT team, otherwise you're just tying up your phone line and ours.

SAY WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. I think 70 percent of the time wasted in phone sex is because the caller can't just spit it out. If it's your thing to have to have the truth forced out of you, as part of a humiliation sequence, that's all right (the dispatcher already told us). Otherwise, say it. We have mad listening skills and intuition, and the tropes are pretty obvious, but we AREN'T psychic.

DON'T ASK TO MEET ME. It's never going to happen. Other girls have done it? Fine, you should ask for them next time. Oh, wait, you can't. 'CUZ THEY WERE FIRED.

DON'T PUSH TIME LIMITS. If you are using a service that sells blocks of time, we will tell you when there are 2-3 minutes left. In my experience, that is plenty of time to wring it out. And don't get pissy when we hang up at a minute over. We get in trouble for this shit, okay? And it backs things up for other callers (see above).

SAY THANK YOU AND GOODBYE. Maybe you're of the opinion that you're paying for this call, and you can be a rude bastard if you want. That's fine. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the guys who want to know they're getting quality attention from their PSO. Seriously, fellas. Three words make me feel more human, and that means I'm going to feel more invested in the encounter. You'll sense the difference next time, trust me.

Hey, my PSO people! Got any other tips for callers using phone sex services? Drop 'em here!

4 COMMENTS ON THIS POST To “Phone sex etiquette (part 1)”

  1. Maggie November 23, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    Love it! Yes, and please stop asking me for my email address. I don’t REALLY want to see a video of you jacking off, Mister.

  2. Scarlet December 16, 2009 at 12:16 am

    Don’t ask for my home phone number.

    Don’t ask for my “real” name.

    Don’t say you need my personal information so that you may give me a P.O. Box, credit card and cell phone.

    If you do any or all of these… try not to do so each and every time you call. It’s really of no consequence to me, but it is a waste of your time and money. Though… I am paid for your time, either way. 🙂

  3. Ms_Alisa February 5, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Trust me to be a professional – This goes hand in hand with “Say what you really want.” I’ve heard it all, even after two weeks. And if I haven’t heard what you have to offer, I’m probably willing to learn. Tell me what turns you on about your personal kink, and let me become the fantasy woman you were hoping to reach. Think about what expectations you have for the call, and then think about how to tell them to me so I can make them happen for you. 🙂

    Learn sexual negotiation skills – I’ve found that my ‘favorite/best’ clients so far are the guys who have actually paid for sex in other forms. Whether they are strip club aficionados, purchasers of online fetish subscriptions, or clients of call girls/prostitutes, these guys have learned to be comfortable with the language of exchanging money for sex. Now, I realize that some of you who call in do so because dealing with women face-to-face may be intimidating. Don’t worry! When you call me, I’ll be nice to you, and I WANT to hear your dirty fantasies! Then, I want to help you get off to them. But you are unique, and I want to treat you in the special way you are hoping to be treated. Like Cameryn said, though, I’m not psychic. But it’s okay for you to tell me. 🙂 We’ll find that very sexy mental place together, through honesty. And don’t worry, I’m VERY discrete!

  4. Nob Stewart May 9, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    A’ used tae use phone sex lines and jist hang up when a’ came cause it wiz costing me money and a’m fae Scotland.

    But, if a’ ever use again, a’ will be sure tae say cheerio and Cheers tae the bird. You are right, kindness and civility cost nothing, well about $0.50 which isnae tae bad if it makes ye feel all warm inside.

    Cheers

    Nob

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