All roads lead to ass: a decision tree for phone sex


People ask me all the time, “How do you DO that stuff? I mean, How do you actually come UP with all of it?” Some people honestly think there is a script for what I do, something that all PSOs have read and memorized. I think other people imagine my material coming from something more like a cookbook, The Joy of Sex crossed with The Joy of Cooking crossed with a story slam crossed with Iron Chef (the Japanese version, not the American version), and so when guys call, I just flip through and find the key ingredients that they give me and whip up something delicious, just like that!

Well, it’s not like that. I mean, in public I talk like I’m the queen of improv, and anyway, my potty mouth covers any eventuality, and that’s partly true. But the reality is that I have developed a keen ear for verbal cues, and based on those cues, my decision tree is very well-trimmed.

I started thinking about this in earnest a couple of weeks ago, because someone asked me again how I do it. And I had to laugh when I started making a visual representation of the process. Here it is…



I am not saying there are not other calls that I get. I am saying that a majority of my calls fall along this path (yes, BBC and the she-male stuff, too; both are variations on “butt sex in HIS butt” angle).

In short, all roads lead to ass sex.

I knew it

*** ADDENDUM, 12/5/12: If I ever manage to get to a sex workers’ conference, or get accepted to speak at a Geek Night somewhere, this chart will be the opening Powerpoint slide of my presentation. I am certain there are more ways to look at phone-sex work and material relationally (à la Indexed or New Math). Stay tuned for that!


3 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Miss Deidre

    I’m stealing this … tweeting it … and making sure you are world reknowned as the Asspert

    Being that I’m the Strapon Terror … between us … someone’s going to wind up crying :) #bonus

    December 5th, 2012

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