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ASK A PHONE WHORE: “does your job ever turn you on?”

ASK A PHONE WHORE is going to be a new, semi-regular feature, appearing whenever I get a good question. Anything you want to know about my phone work, ask away! I encourage you to read through the archives here to see if I've already addressed your question in a previous post, or to see if I've written about something already and you have follow-up questions. I may set up a separate page here to solicit questions, or maybe just put a widget up, but for now I'll be running my mail bag over on Facebook.

"I've been listening for three hours and all I can hear is moans. Do you think the wall is too thick?" "No, I think that's all that's really going on over there..."

"I've been listening for three hours and all I can hear is moans. Do you think the wall is too thick?" "No, I think that's all that's really going on over there..."

Q: Do you find your work sexually stimulating, or have you erected a wall between what you say for work and your own sexuality?

I get this question a lot after performances of my solo show Phone Whore. I get this question a lot everywhere.

The answer is No. Or Kinda. Or Yes, definitely, but...

First of all, no.

In order to answer this question, the first thing I want you to really understand about sex, like, I want you to REALLY GET IT, is that there may be some trends and archetypes and so-called universals, but actually, we are all really, really different. Especially in our heads. As a result of this glorious diversity, the overlap between what my callers want to talk about and what I would want to talk about is so small that it is, for the purpose of this discussion, nil. They are paying to get exactly what they want, so I am not going to try to derail the call into what is exactly and specifically hot for me.

I'm not really thinking about the work in terms of getting sexually excited, either, because I'm just too busy listening for feedback and trying to follow the storyline that I built in my head, or remember exactly what I told this guy the last time about how many lovers I supposedly have (six) and how young they are (all under 25, the youngest 15).

When I said "exactly", I really meant it.

Even with notes on my cards, this is a lot of stuff to juggle, so I don't really have mental room to devote to what is going to get me off. I don't want to, either. Someone has to steer this ship, and get this guy to harbor in the designated time limit, and that someone is me. That's my job.

But... kinda.

When I do the calls that require a more verbal response—like moans or heavy breathing or some kind of struggle or orgasms—I have found that I get the most authentic feeling when I close my eyes and mentally go there, at least. And it's the oddest thing, but my body responds during those calls as if the fantasy is actually taking place: my back arches, my thighs clench together, I flail my head side to side in protest. I use hyperventilation regularly when I'm performing multiple orgasms because it sounds right, but that in particular has a way of going into a loop, and I find myself hyperventilating in a way that is very similar to what happens to me, actually, during orgasm.

In other words, my body picks up on the pretend sex that I'm having, and starts to mimic the physical process of that sex. I've never had an orgasm doing phone sex, but I've had the workout that goes into one.

And, well, definitely, but...

My own sexuality is heavily predicated on intelligence. Sapio-sexual, I think is what the kids are calling it. I am drawn to smart people, in particular people who are articulate, and it is immediately obvious, when I am talking with a caller, whether they are articulate.

Phone sex showcases verbal skill. It's why I'm good at it. It's also why, when I get that kind of caller—which is more often than you'd think, but not as often as I'd like—I do get a little turned on. The wordplay and the inventiveness and the vibrant back-and-forth that can happen before, during, and after a scene... these are things that I enjoy in real life. When they happen over the phone, well, I never lose awareness that is my job, but I always get a little brain tingle, like, ooh, this is a call that I can have fun with. This is someone who will be willing and able to play.

So, I guess to keep your metaphor: there is definitely a wall between my phone sexuality and my personal sexuality, but it's permeable in spots.

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