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ASK A PHONE WHORE: “has your work changed your views on any kinks or sex acts?”

ASK A PHONE WHORE is a semi-regular feature, appearing whenever I get a good question. Anything you want to know about my phone work, ask away! Make sure to read through the archives here to see if I've already addressed your question in a previous post, or to see if I've written about something already and you have follow-up questions. I may set up a separate page here to solicit questions, or maybe just put a widget up, but for now I'll be running my mail bag over on Facebook.

Q. Has your job changed your views (either positively or negatively) on any sex acts (or kinks or fetishes) about which you had a preconceived view?

MOST. DEFINITELY.

When I started doing phone sex, I legit thought I could handle it all. I applied to a no-taboo company, and when the owner interviewed me and asked if I had any taboos, I remember saying, very confidently, that I could handle any kink, that I was very non-judgmental. Of course I was! I was kinky! I had friends who were kinky! I read Dan Savage on a regular basis!

But that was just me not thinking out far enough. That was me saying I was non-judgmental about all the kinks that I was non-judgmental about, because there were other things that I was plenty judgmental about: Age play. Submissive men. Guys who fetishized "she-males". Rape fantasies. Lots of stuff, mostly things that I had either never been around much, or what I had been exposed to personally (i.e. submissive men), it was in a very specific context (a meat-markety sex club) that pretty much made it impossible for me to experience that kink behavior in a neutral way (because as an unattached, apparently dominant woman, I was the screen on which HELLA fantasies were being projected). So, those things were uncomfortable and icky.

So I knew about these kinks, but I kind of blocked them out of my mind, because why would I want to think about something that was uncomfortable and icky for me? But of course professional phone sex is FULL of stuff that was uncomfortable and icky. So for each kink or fantasy or fetish, I just had to take a deep breath and pretend to deal with it for a while. I had to, no matter how squicked out I was. And after time, it got easier and I got less judge-y about these kinks just by virtue of exposure to them.

Out in my own life, and "independently", I found myself getting into age-play relationships or encounters, and occasional rape-y fantasies, and found those were a lot of fun. I put quotes around "independently" because I wasn't consciously making any connections between getting more comfortable in my phone work and being more open to these kinds of kinks and fantasies in my own life. But I'm sure that, in the background, my dirty little gutter mind was REALLY really busy connecting synapses and drawing parallels.

And now, four years later... I'm not going to claim that I want to do every fucking kink in the encyclopedia of kink, or that OH GOD EVERYTHING TURNS ME ON. But I will say... Yes, I will say it: not everything you can do involving your junk is cool, but anything involving your mind is fine by me. Phone sex helped me get to that place, for sure.

P.S. I don't have anything that I feel more negative about after doing phone sex. ... Nope. It's only getting better.

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If you liked this post, be sure to browse around some more. I’ve been blogging about my work in phone sex for almost four years, since six months after I started in April 2009. And if you live in the UK, you’ll have a chance this year to hang out with me while I’m on call! Okay, not really, but that’s what my award-winning solo play Phone Whore feels like, and I’m bringing it to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival Aug. 1-25, and then to five other UK cities through mid-September. Follow those links to read all about the tour and my show, and if you do make it out, come up and say hi!

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