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CALL OF THE DAY: different day, same shit

You know what they say: clean toilet, dirty mind...

You know what they say: clean toilet, dirty mind...

When the dispatcher gives me this guy, I take a deep breath. I know it's time to consciously ignore everything I know about hygiene and clean bedroom sheets. Actually, for best results, I need to remember all that stuff, and then do the exact opposite.

He's another one of those semi-regulars; he doesn't ever request anyone, but because I'm always on at the time of day when he calls, I get him a lot. He also wants someone older and "really nasty", which... I guess that's me. He likes me to talk about shit and piss and cum and squirt, all of it, in all directions, in all orifices. The only thing he doesn't bring up is menstrual fluid, which is fine by me, because it's already really fucking messy in that imaginary bedroom scene.

It's only the shit that hits my squick button, to be honest. Everything else I have tried and either incorporated it enthusiastically into my repertoire, or I'd do it again under the right circumstances, so I can talk about it with a certain level of enthusiasm or at least knowledge. The shit, though, not so much.

I mean, I've had butt sex early on in my sexual career where I hadn't cleaned as thoroughly as usually and got freaked out by a tiny little brown smear on the end of the condom. By "freaked out", I mean I buried my face in the pillows and burst into tears and wouldn't even look at my partner until he had removed the condom and washed his hands and then hugged me and assured me that it was fine, really, it was fine.

I've gotten a lot less panicky since then; if you like butt sex and keep trying, you wind up getting a sort of exposure therapy. But I haven't reached the level of actual indifference, and I don't think I ever will.

So what? you might be wondering. I thought these Calls of the Day were supposed to be about the calls, not about you. Well, yes. I just wanted to let you know that I don't have a Mind of Steel, no matter how it might seem sometimes. I've got my touchy spots. I've learned to really clamp down, suit up, and deliver convincing experiences in a whole range of things that are WAYYYY outside my personal comfort zone.

But, you know, that shit's still under there. Sometimes literally.

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If you liked this post, be sure to browse around some more. I've been blogging about my work in phone sex for almost four years, since six months after I started in April 2009. And if you live in the UK, you'll have a chance this year to hang out with me while I'm on call! Okay, not really, but that's what my award-winning solo play Phone Whore feels like, and I'm bringing it to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival Aug. 1-25, and then to five other UK cities through mid-September. Follow those links to read all about the tour and my show, and if you do make it out, come up and say hi!

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