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CALL OF THE DAY: wait, why are we talking about this?…

This is not in any way sexy...

This is not in any way sexy...

He is a recent acquisition, both in terms of the company (the caller ID numbers are assigned in chronological order, from their first call) and in terms of him finding me. I think the first time I talked with him was this past winter.

He is not an easy man to talk to about sex; he seems to be naturally reticent and the fantasies he has cause him a certain amount of anxiety and self-loathing, even when he's in the middle of them. But sometimes, like today, he gets on a kick of "normal conversation", and then he's positively loquacious. Today he ended up doing two 30-minute sessions, and of that time, nearly two-thirds of it was... not about coercing teary-eyed 12-year-olds.

We got off that track because the owner of the company has been actively telling any caller who has ever requested me in the past year that I'm taking six weeks off for vacation. Even though I told the owner three months ago that this was coming up, and reassured her that I have every intention of returning, she is very traumatized by the impending separation—apparently many of my regulars, even the ones who treat me well, treat her like shit and yell at her, that sort of thing—so she has been asking me to tell people, too. I think I've been very good in how I handle the discussion, reminding the callers that there are other good PSOs at the company that they could talk to while I'm gone, and not really going into too much detail when they ask me what I'm up to for six weeks. I mean, they don't actually want to know about the Edinburgh Fringe, or even about the idea of my having any other life outside of phone work. All that matters is that they're not going to have their favorite wank facilitator on call for six weeks.

SO. Most of my regulars don't really know or care. But this morning, maybe I was sleepy or something, my usual defenses were down, and I told this guy, when he was asking about my vacation, that it wasn't really a vacation, that I was going out to performance festivals. And he asked about that, and we got into Canada in general; I tried to turn focus around on him, then, and asked where he would go, if money and time off were no object, and he got OFF ON A TEAR about Fort Alamo in Texas, that's where he really wanted to go next. He really wanted to go there; he had all the history down pat. Whoa

Around then that 30-minute call ended, and he called me back for another one, and started off this one saying, "I hope you don't mind, but what is your background, you know, your college level?" Again, I normally deflect—oh, I have a bachelor's degree—but in a few cases I've expounded a bit, and again, today I was weak. I gave in to my ego. I told him, yeah, I've got an education. Bachelor's degree in a foreign language and not an easy one (Russian), master's degree in arts administration, a certificate in dance instruction, I'm a writer, along with everything else. He said, "You know, I was going to guess journalism. There's something about the way you talk that is really straightforward. I like it."

Within a few minutes after that, I decided enough was enough. He only had seven minutes left in this second call, so I asked him, hey, did you want to get dirty today, do you think? He asked me to describe myself unwillingly giving him a blowjob, and somewhere after my fourth bout of choking and gagging, he hung up without saying goodbye.

I'm not sure whether he enjoyed the rape fantasies or the "so-what-do-you-REALLY-do" conversation more. Doesn't matter on my end; I gave him a good time either way.

*****

If you liked this post, be sure to browse around some more. I’ve been blogging about my work in phone sex for almost four years, since six months after I started in April 2009. And if you live in the UK, you’ll have a chance this year to hang out with me while I’m on call! Okay, not really, but that’s what my award-winning solo play Phone Whore feels like, and I’m bringing it to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival Aug. 1-25, and then to five other UK cities through mid-September. Follow those links to read all about the tour and my show, and if you do make it out, come up and say hi!

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