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CALL OF THE DAY: “is anyone there with you?”

We chatted a bit about what I looked like, and what I "did for work" (um....), but he moved pretty quickly to what was important to him: "Is there anyone with you right now?"

EEEP. Such a short sentence, illustrating two of the primary rules of paid phone sex:

  • The way they ask questions tells you the way they want them answered.
  • Say "yes, and..."

The first rule relates to listening. "Is there anyone with you?" is a different question than "there isn't anyone with you, is there?" First construction calls for a coy yes, most likely, while the second version is begging for a reassuring no. Easy to read, but uh oh. Answering this short question the way he obviously wants it answered, while following the second rule ("yes, and") leads me to the edge of a very slippery slope. The caller wants someone there with me, and I don't know who or why. I don't think it's a pedo call; usually those guys will lead with asking whether I have any kids, and probably the dispatcher would have mentioned it. But sometimes it's not in their client files, and I don't know for sure. Proceed with caution...

Not right here with me, but my lover is in the next room.

(He's not at all, I'm just trying to temporize, give myself a little more time to  figure out what's going on.)

"Can I talk to him?"

(See, this. This is what I was afraid of. I can't say yes to this. I don't have the skills to switch to a male voice. What to do, what to do. ... I know! I'll go with in-charge, slightly mocking laughter, while I figure out what to say...)

HAHAAHAHAH, NO, you can't talk to him, are you kidding! (Um... oh, yeah, control the situation, set the boundaries...) You aren't paying enough to talk to him! That is a whole different kind of call! What do you want to talk to him about?

"I want to hear him fuck your ass."

(What does he mean by that?)

What do you mean by THAT? I mean, you can't talk to him! He's not getting paid to be a part of this. And I hope you know it takes longer than <checks timer> six and a half minutes to get really into anal.

(Whew.)

"Okay, well then, I want to hear him fuck your pussy."

(For fucks' sake...)

Anyway, we just had sex this afternoon.

(Okay, that answer is not going to hold him for long...)

"What, he can't get it up again?"

(He had to go there...)

RUUSSSSS! <pause> RUSSSSSS! Can you come in here for a second? <pause> Yeah, this guy is calling into question your masculinity. Can you just stand over here by my head? Yeah, and get those boxers off. <pause, and direct the next comment to the caller> You're gonna have to give me a minute or two to get him hard.

(Slurpy noises. I can do slurpy noises.)

"Aw, yeah, have him fuck your throat."

(Okay, now we're back into familiar territory. Gagging on virtual dick is way easier than  playing the voice of my lover. Anyway I just had some cheese puffs, so my fingers taste pretty good.)

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