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I DON’T KNOW DICK: the mystery of tiny-penis calls

Bite-sized!

Bite-sized!

These tiny-penis guys. I don't get it.

I mean, I get it in the ways that matter. I get that these calls are probably not grounded in reality, for starters. The guy I talked to yesterday, to help jump-start his usual two-girl, one-minute barrage of abuse, he whined that his dick was "almost three inches". That, my friends, has a clinical term. Any penis under three inches is a "micro-penis", and only around .6 percent of the dick-owning population has one. I don't know what the actual distribution is on that bell curve, but in my book, that means micro-peen are about as rare as nine-inchers, and anyone telling me they have one of either is, statistically speaking, full of shit.

So the tiny-penis callers may be making shit up entirely, or they may be underestimating their own size. I can see why that would happen. There is a lot of free-floating pressure about how "size matters," and equating dick size with masculinity. When you add to that mess the images from most dick-depicting porn—these are guys who are mostly chosen for the size of their dicks!—then of course there would be a certain amount of dick dysphoria out there. Dick anxiety. I wonder what the clinical term is for that.

But that is not my primary concern, with the tiny-penis guys. I don't need to diagnose them. I just need to get them off. So I quickly learned the language, the catch-phrases, the formula for really grinding the point home.

  1. The more vivid the image, the more humiliating: "I hope you keep your pubes trimmed, otherwise you'll never be able to find it." "You can't even call that 'stroking it', really. It's more just like rubbing your nub."
  2. Make them tell you the measurements. If they don't know, get them to compare it to something. Again, the more vivid, the better. Your pinky finger? A Vienna cocktail wiener? Be specific!
  3. When in doubt, laugh. This is true for any fem-dom call, but doubly so for TP scenarios. Evil snicker or surprised giggle… either way works.

See? I get it, enough that I can give tips on how to do it. (Heh. I said "tips.") But I don't get it. "Tiny penis" calls fall squarely in the humiliation sector of kink, an area that I have never had any interest in exploring for myself. When it comes to things about the body… I don't know. I feel like this is a solid case in point for how fetishes can grow from fears. If something is so awful, in fact or as an imagined possibility, then making that awfulness a turn-on is certainly one way of managing it.

Yes. Okay. I just can't comprehend the psychological contortions, the almost-synapse-level rewiring and reinterpreting that has to take place in order to change a point of humiliation into the hot button for a scene. I'm pretty sure these guys didn't sit down and do that consciously. So, in the way of everything sexual and consensual that I both get and don't get, all I can do in the end is shake my head, marvel at the malleability of the human imagination, and then give 'em what they want.

"I can't see it. Are you sure it's down there? Hah hah hah!"

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*****

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