CALL OF THE DAY: “I hope you don’t think I’m too much of a pervert”
I'm always surprised when clients seem to worry about what I think of them and their Thing. I don't mean when they are obviously prodding me to judge them, and call them names and Punish Them in really harsh ways that usually involve getting their asses pounded by a BBC (because obviously that's what you do to punish someone for being a cock-sucking pervert, you make them do more of it). Other callers, like my baby-snuff dude, he actually enjoys the epithets that go along with his fantasy. Baby-Snuff Dude doesn't worry what I think; he is out on the edge, and he doesn't give a single fuck.
I'm talking about the guys whose fantasies or solo activities are statistically normal, but they don't seem to know that. They aren't on Fetlife, and they don't go to munches, and they certainly haven't told their girlfriends, and they feel isolated and weird enough about their thing that they actually believe that even their phone sex operator would judge them for this thing. They have moments, in their refractory period, where they seriously question the validity of their kink and their own self-worth, and they worry about saving face.
This caller, he mentioned it a few times during the call, and then at the end, too. All he wanted was to try putting a little prostate stimulator in his butt and to taste his own cum, neither of which he had ever done, he said. But he really did want to know if I thought he was a pervert.
When he asked me that the first time, I jokingly said, Not unless you want to be, but he did not laugh. He just said, "No, no, I just feel like I must be some kind of freak for this." He really wanted reassurance, and I found myself breathing a little deeper and speaking more slowly, trying to buy myself time to figure out what to say. I don't often have to explicitly tell clients that I'm not judging them, and i wasn't sure what words would work.
A number of my lovers have tasted their own cum, I said.
There are other callers I've had who like to play with their butts, I ventured.
I wish a lot more men would feel better about playing with their butts, I opined, because it feels good, why shouldn't they?
I think men should taste their own cum, if they want women to, I said, getting frankly political about the subject.
In the end, I don't know how any of it landed. He seemed to be listening when I said those things, but he finished the call still wondering if I thought he was possibly "too much" of a pervert. (What does that even mean, "too much of a pervert"? Like, a little bit of one is okay, but beyond that you are broken? What is the acceptable level of perversion that he's got in his own head?)
I finished the call feeling a little sad. The things he wanted to try really aren't that extreme; at the same time, sometimes our partners can get judgy. I don't know what is the problem here, that his wife really would be shocked or that he is so afraid that she might be. Both of those possibilities suck.
I don't get to do sex ed over the phone that much; mostly it's through my writing. I hope the people who need it, read it. I hope the people who can support it financially, do by clicking the button below and become my patron!