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CALL OF THE DAY: Hot & Sexy calls and the emotional labor of phone sex

My company has a name for these kinds of calls: “Hot & Sexy.” Hot & Sexy calls are best defined by what they are not: no force, no gender play, no butt play on him, no foot licking, no homo-eroticism, no overt expressions of dominance in either direction. But calling the Hot & Sexy calls “vanilla” doesn’t do them justice, because there are many ways to do vanilla. We kinksters might like to pretend otherwise, but actually there are many possible positions and activities for “vanilla” sex.

For face-to-face sex, this is great news. Lots of terrain to explore, my vanilla people! For phone sex though, this can be BLARGH, and I hadn’t really remembered How Much Blargh until last week, when I took a 7-minute, new(-to-me) caller, who “just wanted some hot, wet sex.”

That’s it, that was all he would give me, even after 30-45 seconds of questioning. He didn’t seem frustrated or anxious about not being able to tell me something more specific; he stayed jovial and raunchy the whole time. He just thought that I could step in and manifest, out of thin air, his own personal paradise of good “hot, wet sex.”

This is what casual entitlement looks like.

He didn’t want to do any work for this call, because hey, he’s paying for it and trying to articulate one’s turn-ons does in fact take a certain amount of psychological exertion. I’m doing the emotional labor here—that is an unspecified and variable but ever-present part of any sex worker’s job—and I knew damn well that if I didn’t suss out his sexual desires, and fast, he would hang up. If he did call back the company, he would blame it on me.

So I did what I always do with these free-floating H&S calls: pick as vague a scenario as possible, launch into it with conviction, and then tailor it down on the fly with whatever feedback I can wring out of him in the moment.

For this caller, I offered girl-on-top; I figured anyone as lazy as this probably would have similar tendencies in preferred sexual positions as well, and yep, I was right!

But wait, I said, are you hungry? (This of course is code for oral.)

“Oh, yeah, I am so hungry.”

Then lie back and let’s 69, I murmured. You’re about to get a really good breakfast.

So we wound up with a fairly straightforward progression from 69 (girl-on-top) to cowgirl, which I figured out from just knowing the one thing: how little effort he wanted to put into the encounter. It’s not psychic, it’s psychological, and holy crap, is it a pain in the ass.

But I couldn’t help coming off of that call with a sort of pride in my abilities. This had been the first call of the morning, only 10 minutes after I had signed in, the day after the first late-night cabaret of the Montreal Fringe. This was at my mental low point of the day, is what I’m saying, And I still managed it.

My instincts are working, even when the rest of my brain isn’t.

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Just kidding: MY BRAIN IS WORKING ALL THE TIME, bringing you the best I can do from the worlds of sex, relationships, and theatre. Honor the work by patronizing me at Patreon!

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