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Archive for Phone Whore

PHONE WHORE (world premiere)

Location: Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Providence, RI
Link out: Click here
Description: Is the world ready for Phone Whore? Let's find out, when Cameryn Moore's gritty slice-of-life drama about phone sex, fantasy, and life "on the lines" premieres on opening night of the Fetish Fair Fleamarket in Providence, RI. If you're already planning to be at the Flea, make this one-hour theatrical experience your first stop! You must have paid admission to the FFF to attend this event. Blackstone Room.

SPECIAL TALKBACK SESSION: come join Cameryn and Phone Whore director Lisa Dupre at 9:30 pm for discussion and feedback about this exciting new play!
Start Time: 18:45
Date: 2010-02-12
End Time: 19:45

Book Review: The Big Book of Sex Toys

Confession: I don't need sex toys to do my job. I have one little vibe that I keep on my chair-side table, in case someone wants to hear me "use" a vibrator. A dildo? Sounds like a blow job (fingers in the mouth) with extra slobber because I Am So Wet, Oh God. Butt plugs? Please. I just moan extra loud.

But my callers do use sex toys--when I tell them to, when they're turned on, when they just can't help themselves and want to get something nice and hard in their ass--so I feel that a phone whore is actually a good person to check out Tristan Taormino's newest book, the Big Book of Sex Toys .

First of all, the Big Book on Sex Toys isn't TOO big. I mean, at about 8 inches, it's bigger than average, but it's not going to kill you to use it, know what I mean? And although the title has a certain kiddie-book feel to it, none of the pictures are pop-up. (This always makes me sad about adult sex-ed books.) However, what the book lacks in physical dimensions is more than redeemed by the amount of useful and sexy information caught between these hard covers.

Taormino, whose sex-ed empire is vast and wonderful, really lays all of her experience on the table with this project. You can see it in the coverage--everything from basic vibes to jewel-studded buttplugs to floggers and some really logical sex furniture--and the wonderful sidebars (the problem with phthalates, can I get addicted to my vibrator).  One of the best features of the book is the Perfect Pairing, in which Taormino pulls out one of the recommended products and puts it with a position that best utilizes the features of that product. You get detailed tips for the physical logistics, precise directions for positioning the product, and a FUCKING HOT PHOTO TO GO WITH IT.

The writing is upbeat, educational but not dry (never dry, dry is bad!), and while BBST is obviously meant to be a shopper's guide to the goodies, with loads of pictures of some of the newest toys on the market, it's not a mindless catalog: Taormino and associates clearly gave these items a good whirl or two. The resource guide at the back helps readers find the well-lit, non-sticky-floor stores and the more reputable online sources.

I could ask for slightly more thorough referencing of the photos of sex toys, but I'm willing to overlook it because DID I MENTION THE HOT PHOTOS?! On a related note, I would like to have seen some same-sex action. Both in language and visual representation, BBST is patently meant for straight couples, which is, like, YAY for hot straight sex, and for a chapter about strap-ons that shows willing boy butt. And yet, my first encounter with the thigh harness was with another girl, and that was 15 years ago. I mean, let's give some props where they're due!

Overall, though, BBST is an excellent addition to the sexually curious bookshelf, with enough "for more reading" to give precocious kinksters a kick. I wish all of my callers would get their own copies. Then maybe the ones who bitch about how their wives aren't giving them any would get some action again, and the ones who use carrots would STOP USING CARROTS.

Phone queer versus QUEER-queer

I'm doing a queer comedy night next week, and it's got me digging deep for material. Like, real deep.

See, I've been going along on the phones for the past nine months, getting men off, and that steady stream of audio cock hypnotized me into thinking that I was only working that side of my resume, you know, the straight side. I'm a girl, they're all boys, and that means straight. Truth be told, I was okay with that, because frankly, I felt like perhaps I was a little weak in that area and, as a PSO trying to be the best I can be, I could use some real practical experience in the verbalization of cock.

But when I began excavating my history and experiences, and sifting through even my current work for queer-relevant fragments that I could bring to the stage--so that I could even semi-legitimately make this stand-up set queer--I found instead big chunks of queer GOLD.

Let's set aside the fact that, as someone who lived a dick-free existence from 1989 to 2001, I know more about eating pussy than most straight guys, and certainly most of the guys who call in wanting to talk about eating pussy, or about me eating pussy. It's a relief to sit down to a bout of rug-munching, frankly: it's an easy sound effect, much easier on my throat than pretending to choke on a monster cock. And when I get a chance to gently guide my caller on the finer points of eating pussy, I definitely feel that I am putting some positive points in the paying-it-forward column of sex education.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, a good chunk of the stuff that I narrate is male-on-male action. The infamous BBC constitutes a high percentage of that work, obviously, but dick-focused action--what I would call gay, in the context of paid phone sex--includes many other categories of calls: she-males on top, camping with the boy scout troop, cuckold action (especially any scene that involves the cuckold being the fluffer and/or cleanup boy). The fact that I'm a woman narrating these scenes doesn't matter; what is being expressed, what is being fantasized, is homoerotic as hell.

And then there's the gender-queer component. My sissy girls and panty boys remind me that there is a significant minority of dudes out there who might be feeling a little chafed by gender norms and expectations, and/or curious about at least some aspects of life and lust on the other side of the gender fence. For these callers, I get to be the voice of acceptance and surprise packages and cocksucker-red lipstick and color-coordinated satin lingerie. I love taking those calls; I mean, who doesn't want to wear silky panties under your business suit? Briefs versus boxers is a false dichotomy! One's choices in undergarments exist on a beautiful rainbow spectrum!

But conversation about the intersection of phone sex and queerness isn't complete unless we include the underbelly, too. For most of my "queer" calls, I'm the voice of shame and degradation, at least occasionally. I end up making liberal use of epithets that I have spent most of my queer life avoiding: cocksucker, faggot, pansy. Most of my "queer" callers are wallowing in the dirtiness and taboo of their fantasies; if I don't make them feel at least a little like shit for wanting it, I'm not doing my job.

Believe me, the dissonance between actually being queer and "doing" queer on the phones can be teeth-grinding. If nothing else, doing phone-queer all the time makes the REAL stuff look and feel that much better. I feel like I'm a waitress in a pie restaurant, talking to customers who have only eaten sugar-free, store-bought pie all their life. That's what's been marketed to them, and that's what they want, and I have to go along with it, yum yum yum. But I know what a real, sticky-sweet, bourbon-laced, pecan pie tastes like, and gosh, I wish they did, too.

How do they find me? Let me count the ways.

WordPress, which provides the template and underlying functionality for my blog, has a nifty little feature on its stats page, whereby I can see what search terms people used to find my site. I did that yesterday, and was ... delighted? bemused? confused?... by the results. After removing the 28 terms that involved some variation of "cameryn moore",  here's what I got:

(the numbers after indicate how many times those search terms were searched)

cuckold 12

naked comedy showcase 4

toilet slave blog 3

diydomme blog 2

my toilet slave 2

blog toilet slave 2

toilet play sex 2

toilet slave 2

"naked comedy showcase" 2

toilet pig phone sex 2

how to become a toilet slave 2

submissive toilet slave 2

pay slave mistress or domina or dominatr 2

mean cuckoldress audio 1

phonsex milfs into tickling 1

cuckolding cleanup creampie 1

toilet play phone sex 1

phone sex operator intros 1

"shit pig" degradation 1

"force feeding" toilet mistress 1

filthy slut degrading audio downloads 1

big cock 1

"dom couple" toilet slave" 1

phone sex script intros 1

mommyfuckers.com 1

toilet slave magazines 1

information on toilet slaves 1

he's my toilet slave 1

toilet slave feeding 1

only horny ass worship show. blogroll 1

cream pie cuckold 1

adult toilet play 1

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A few things come clear for me after reading this list...

- Lot of people looking for cuckolding resources. Hey, guys! Rather than look online for cuckold phone sex and wife-swap communities, it might be easier and cheaper to just sexually neglect your wife and take her to a swingers club! Oh, wait, fantasy... that's right, this is fantasy... right?

- I have to start up a subsidiary audio erotica company called Mean Cuckoldress Audio ("unapologetically not yours").

- How about that whole toilet thing, huh? I think I ... uh... excuse me, I need to go take a leak.

Friday f*ckbucket: the psychic version

After a few months out and about talking about phone sex at open mics, and a lot of time out on facebook, I think I'm developing some psychic abilities. I don't like to mention it—I mean, some people already fidget a little when I tell them I'm a PSO, a psychic one might be a little Too Much—but for days like today, with a post due, it comes in handy. Because instead of waiting for the actual virtual f*ckbucket to fill up (I think I'm switching over to another platform for next week's bucket, to make it easier to participate in), I can just reach my mind out to the PSYCHIC f*ckbucket and pick out the questions that I know people have been wondering. Don't worry, I'm not good enough yet to know who was thinking which question, so you will retain your anonymity. (Except you, Scotty.)

I wonder if she recognizes my voice?
Never fear! I have spoken with close to 500 different men over the past nine months on the lines, and that is just too many for my aural memory to keep up. Besides, your appearance distracts me from listening well, because in my mind's eye you're all 6'2", 190 pounds, and incredibly well hung. Men's actual physical variety is a little disorienting after that.

What's so special about her? I talk dirty with my boyfriend all the time!
What's special about me is I don't give it away like you do. I went out and found somebody who will pay me a decent percentage for doing it.

What's your office like?
My office has good padding on the two walls near the desk, insulated with actual pillows and leftover professional-grade sound-attenuating foam, plus a good thick rug on the floor. However, a couple of months ago I got roommates who didn't give a shit what kind of noise I was making up in my attic chambers, so I started to take calls from the easy chair in my room. I've got one of those old-style telephone end tables to hold my index card box, my dayplanner, and whatever non-phone-sex project I'm working on, and my laptop with the timer on it sits on the nearby dresser. I want to get a good ergonomic office chair and get back over to my office, though. Taking calls less than 8 feet away from the spot where I actually fuck might constitute blurry boundaries.

What's the nastiest word or phrase you've ever said in a phone call?
Leaky-assed, cum-guzzling man whore. Or the n-word. It's a toss-up.

Have you done all the things you talk about on the phone or in your stand-up?
Most. I mean, not move for move, but the general gist of things, yeah. As I say in my standard self-description on the phones, "I have been around the block a little bit." I might add, however, that first-hand experience is not a requirement to do phone sex. A well-read individual, or perhaps one who spends a lot of time on youporn, would be able to get started, if he or she also did some supplementary reading on the boards or forums for whatever kinks or fetishes they were lacking knowledge in.

Which calls do you really enjoy taking?
The ones where I get to be sarcastic. It's not so much a strain to stay in character.

*******************

Stay tuned early next week for the next f*ckbucket, with a new survey platform, and PRIZES, too!

The Steel-Toed Bitch and other delicious dommes

There was a time—five months ago, to be precise—when I scorned the seven-minute sub call. Meaningless as far as submissive experiences go, I said. Ridiculously narcissistic micro-binges of faux fear, I said. With my own lifestyle experiences under my belt (hell, with a bunch of good beltings under my belt), I felt fitly girded to look at that shit and laugh. What the hell can you do in seven minutes?

I'm still in that camp, to some degree. In real life, seven minutes is hardly enough time to tongue-polish the toe of one boot. But with a little more experience racked up, I'm starting to find and enjoy the subtle differences in phone domme-ness that I can play with, even in seven....

There's the Intelligent Tease. The sex may be vanilla or kinky, doesn't matter, because how I talk is the point, drawing them out and mocking them with every lightly barbed sentence. This is one of my favorites, because I can really let loose with my vocabulary and jokes. I throw enough at them so they're kinda dazed and laughing and intrigued, and then I tell them exactly what's going to come next.

Ooh, how about the Woman of Mystery? She rivals my shemales for lowest-pitched voice, I'm talking serious Kathleen Turner territory. And she's kinda freaky, as in, uncanny. As a WoM, I know everything. I speak with enough authority, telling them what they like about my body and how their body is reacting to that stimuli, that inevitably, inexorably, it happens. Just as I knew it would. It's like Obi-wan in Star Wars, but, you know, sexy. "These are the tits you're looking for..." "These are the tits I'm looking for..."

The Steel-toed Bitch is another favorite of mine, because I never get to be her in real life. I don't have her shoes or her leather wardrobe. Or the cock, for that matter; usually I'm a shemale for this, unless I've got the 8-inch strap-on in place. I'm always doing the fucking, but I don't give them anything until I've wedged the toe of my boot in their ass. Or something like that. I'm just warming them up, see?

And then of course there's the Hot Sex-Ed Teacher, always ready to step in when the caller is enthusiastic but ignorant. Like a 15-year-old, you know? Shy but eager, and desperately in need of some gentle, clear yet sensual instructions about how exactly to lick my pussy, and why it's a good idea to use a finger or two on the ass before ramming one's Woodrow Wilson in. (All you man-fuckers of the world, you can thank me later.)

In my original seven-minute sub article, I used the sandwich metaphor to put down the shorty-short domme call: It's the one ingredient the caller wants, delivered on the audio equivalent of pasty white sandwich bread and consumed quickly. But I think I may have sold myself short, because in actual fact, I've got a whole countertop full of sauce bottles, ready to slather on and perk that sub up at a moment's notice. It's still fast food, but it's gonna be good stuff.

"These are the tits you're looking for..."

Cameryn gets down and dirty in the Burren’s comedy contest!

Title: Cameryn gets down and dirty in the Burren's comedy contest!
Location: 247 Elm St. (Davis Sq), Somerville
Description: Every Wednesday night, seven comedians do 7-minute sets, and the $50 prize goes to the person who gets the most applause at the end. I'm not above stacking the house, so if you're a Cameryn Moore fan in the Boston area, get your ass out there!
Start Time: 22:00
Date: 2010-01-13

Friday f*ckbucket: the sexy-time stretch goal

Last week's f*ckbucket question: what sexual act or kink play have you never tried, but really want to? Why haven't you done it yet?

I love the answers that came out of the bucket! These are fantastic things to aim for...

  • Being gagged with a ball gag. Sex toys are expensive! Le sigh.

I think you mean quality sex toys are expensive, and yes, that's very true. Especially anything you strap around your body, you want it to be comfortable, right? Good-quality ball gags are worth saving up for. I already have a wonderful one, and now I'm saving up for the kind with interchangeable pieces for the mouth, so I can switch out between balls of different sizes (yes, motherfucker, that's what she said) and mouth plugs or small dildos, and also those mad-dentist-looking mouth gags. Because a girl should have options!

  • fisting - haven't tried because a comfortable atmosphere for it hasn't been created, but ooooh it definitely will in the future!

Lessee... comfortable atmosphere for fisting.... Drop cloth, check. Six-pack of Bounty two-ply towels, check. Ten-gallon bucket o' lube, check. Well-trimmed fingernails and/or gloves, check. Easily adjusted central heating, check. A thorough enema, if you're going for anal, check. AAANNNDDD, a fister you can count on to listen to you... that is harder to find. Good luck, set your safewords, and go for it!

  • Have a three way with two men ( I am f) I havent found the ppl I can trust and feel comfortable with?

Hmmmyup. Three-ways always need that comfort level, and then you've gotta trust them not to blather it all over the world that you're a cock-hungry nympho, or something like that (my junior year in college was... awkward, for exactly this reason). It also strikes me that for a M-F-M threeway, you're gonna want guys who are hot for your bod, and at the same time who feel comfortable being that close to another man's dick. Bi, in other words, or else very, very comfortable in their own sense of masculinity.

  • tribadism

Definitely worth a try, but they didn't leave a reason why they haven't done it yet, so I can't help any further.

  • pegging

Here's where all the issues converge: the trust and the expensive equipment and the confidentiality and patience and issues of masculinity, all bundled up in one delicious act. (For those who don't know, pegging is when a woman penetrates a man with a strap-on?) My advice here? Women, be patient. Men, restrain your ambition.

*********

This week, rather than you answering a question of mine, I want to return to the origins of f*ckbucketry and have you pose questions to me. Any question about sex, phone sex, fantasies, kink, etc... If I don't know the answer or at least have an opinion--not likely to happen, but it could!--I will at least talk to an expert in that particular field, or put in some useful URLs for you to get into trouble about at work. To submit your question, just click on this link to go to the anonymous survey. A selection of questions, plus my responses, will be posted next Friday, along with the next f*ckbucket.

In defense of my johns, and all the rest of you, too

I am not really concerned about what people think about me, when I tell them I'm a phone sex operator. Ever since I grew tits at the age of 11, I've been called a slut, a whore, a tramp. When I got to be tall and thick at the age of 14, I got all the body-hate stuff as well: cow, whale, pig (why are they always animals? those are nice animals!). Coming out as queer at 19 (I now identify as bi-dyke, for those of you who must have labels), I felt another strata of insults sliding into place: queer, dyke, "fuckin' dyke" (well, yes, I try!). See all the layers? I'm pretty well insulated by now.

So what chaps my fat, queer ass when I talk in public about doing phone sex is not what people may think about me. It's what they think about my clients.

"So what's the weirdest call you've ever done?"

"It must be hard talking to losers all day."

"So all those freaks, huh? Scary!"

This is part of my inheritance, as a visible, activist-type sex worker in a society in which sex is simultaneously revealed and reviled. I get to publicly defend the honor of my clients, and by extension the clients of any phone sex worker ever, because most callers sure as shit won't do it for themselves. And by go-go-Gadget super extension, I'm defending the sexual freedom and honor of my audiences as well.

They need it. Don't you see? It's a statistical certainty that in any co-ed or male-dominated crowd that I am speaking to, at least one or two of the guys have called phone-sex lines, and probably enjoyed it. It's even more certain that in almost any mainstream bar or club crowd, a MAJORITY of the people listening, of all genders, have fantasies that they have never told anyone about, like the calls that I mention in my routines. So when they demonstrate their diss, and start making comments or assumptions about how freakish and loser-y my callers must be, my hackles rise. I  want to hug them and slap them at the same time. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. Projection is not just making sure people can hear your voice.

You get me? Because my clients are definitely part of the privileged mainstream: they have valid credit cards, and regular jobs, and normal-sounding voices--at least until they start calling me Mommy or Mistress. They at least know where to go to get their sexual ya-yas out. My regulars have a discerning ear, they like what I offer. They talk about their turn-ons, or at least say "Oh, YEAH!" when I hit their buttons. They are fuckin' horndogs, some of them. They are shy. They feel guilty, or they feel great. Their fantasies are "crazy",  or  vanilla, or some neopolitan mix depending on the day.

In short, they are you, dear Mainstream Audience.

So when I answer your questions with some side-stepping comment, not the wild voyeuristic freakshow response that you want; when I don't give you a joke that ends with a punchline like, "... and then his mother walked in and asked him what he wanted on his sandwich"; when I look out at you from the stage and talk about my clients without ridicule or malice... I'm doing it that way out of respect for them and their sexual freedom. And, though you may not know it or want to claim the gift, I'm doing it for you, too.

You're welcome.

Friday f*ckbucket

Happy New Year, and welcome to a new weekly feature I'm running both here and in my facebook group: the f*ckbucket. I'm trying to re-create the tingling naughtiness of the blue bucket that circulated around the room before every session in my ninth-grad sex ed class. The teacher then drew the papers out and answered the questions as best she could. People threw in stupid questions, and spitballs, and their phone numbers, but sometimes there was a good discussion that came out of it.

Last week's inaugural f*ckbucket: what is one thing that mystifies you about sex? Here's a random sampling...

  • How people have so many issues speaking honestly about it!

I know, right?

  • How to have mutually satisfying sex with a girl when you yourself are also a girl

Take turns with the strap-on? And make sure to keep your nails trimmed.

  • How can something that feels so good be so bad?

I understand the individual words here, but not the question. Sex is only bad if it's interfering with your work and your relationships. Or if you are a right-wing Christian, in which case you probably shouldn't be in my fan group or reading my blog. Oh, right: it feels so good. Well, you work that out!

  • How do I get over my body issues long enough to enjoy myself? (i have really big boobs and some chub)

I am sorry you feel bad about your boobs and chub, baby. As a hot fattie myself, I know I'm not to everyone's taste. But some people can't wait to dip into that jelly, so hopefully you're putting yourself out there in a way that encourages people to pull up to the table. I've found that fakin' it until I make it works for me really well. I act like I know I'm desirable and eventually I believed it. Okay, so, that'll get you into bed. Are you talking about little self-hate tapes playing in your head while you're doing the business? Moan louder to drown them out.

*************

This week's f*ckbucket question: what sexual act or kink play have you never tried, but really want to? Why haven't you done it yet?

To answer, just click on this link to go to the anonymous survey. A selection of responses, plus my responses will be posted every Friday, along with the next f*ckbucket.

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