Archive for Other Writing I Do

Sidewalk Smut and Librarian Lust: two great tastes that taste great together!

I rarely—oh, so rarely—take specific content requests out on the Smut Stand. Usually the requesters are drunk stag dos, looking for something involving a donkey and two dozen green balloons and "a couple of hookers" (their words, not mine), and I am not particularly interested in engaging with those stories. (Although it might be worth seeing if I could stomach doing the novelty requests if I charged a premium. Hmmm….)

Anyway, I usually can't be bothered with special requests, but occasionally someone asks so nicely and their vibe is so pleasant, and the request is actually interesting to me, either from a personal or an artistic standpoint, so I go for it. A couple of days ago, when I was out on the Smut Stand in Edinburgh, I got a request that I couldn't refuse: something with a librarian, in a library. This was a request from a librarian who collects hard copies (heh heh) of LIBRARIAN PORN. This is a thing! She has a collection! When she told me this, I immediately felt the strength of her point, that a piece of bespoke typewritten erotica would be just the right visual element to tie together the collection.

Side note: I worked in a library for a few years, in my 20s, and holy fuck, was it boring. I thought perhaps writing something about a librarian in a library would be a little cathartic. (It was.) Plus, I don't think I've written about library sex before. Maybe once. It's not a common trope in the Sidewalk Smut business.

So I wrote a nice medium-core cowgirl scene in a library chair that squeaked if the people having sex moved too quickly, in a huge, hushed library with all plush carpets and brass finishings and hard wood (heh heh). The customer said afterward that she was definitely going to put it on display. And then, like, a DAY later she sent me this lovely note and photographic evidence, and even a link to a publicly accessible spreadsheet of her librarian porn titles. (Because she's a librarian.) She said I could share this, so here it is, her email and the pics. Enjoy, my pervy bookworms!

Hello, it's your afternoon librarian client here!

As promised, photos of my new addition to the library porn/libroporn collection, alongside it.

I decided to collect erotic books about librarians about a year ago, because I'm...well...a  librarian, and the idea of collecting books about librarians doing the sorts of things that the stereotypes of librarians say we aren't meant to do amused me. Also, as erotica increasingly moves to digital versions, the hard copy of these sorts of books are getting harder to find, so now is a perfect time to gather them together as a collection.

My collection criteria is only that it must be a "traditional" type of librarian stereotype story - either repressed female librarian discovers the joy of sex, or a librarian is hiding her secret wild side under a veneer of respectability. That means there's a whole variety of odd plot-lines available without even going near the werewolf vampire librarians! Books are either bought new, or are secondhand library books found online...librarians seem to feature in those Mills & Boons romances a lot. It's getting hard to actually track down these books, as lots of non-erotica book descriptions/online information feature reviews from librarians, rather than being erotic books that feature librarians.

Of course, as a good librarian, I also have them organised on this public spreadsheet, so if my friends see any they can check if I've already got it! 😀

2015-08-20 19.08.05

"Don't drip on the carpet" is what I included in the autograph. 😀


My smut is on special display! (I wonder if she'd respect me less if she knew my typing paper wasn't archival-quality...

My smut is on special display! (I wonder if she'd respect me less if she knew my typing paper wasn't archival-quality...)

1 2 3 4