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A quick how-to guide to public sleaze and dirty talk

Believe it or not, I am NOT a fan of public sex, for myself. Sure, the occasional ass squeeze or crotch grope with a lover is in my repertoire, and I have been known to get pretty damn steamy down a dark alleyway or country lane. But the point is to Not Get Caught.

My public sex is semi-public, at best; I want to find and use those hidden corners in the collective consciousness, but the second someone sees, I will hurriedly disentangle, pull my panties back in place and walk on with an attempt at nonchalance I’m not embarrassed. I just have no interest in pressing my sexual displays on unwilling passersby. Besides, one should only involve other people in one’s sex scenes if those other people have given consent.

And yet, sometimes the spirit moves me. Sometimes, for example, I'll be sitting with my lover at a table at the train station and I look at him and a five-second GIF flashes up in my mind, of grabbing him by the hand and dragging him off somewhere, anywhere right then, and doing all the things we just did two hours earlier, the things we didn’t have time for this weekend, but will get a chance to do in two weeks when I see him again. That memory/vision is powerful, definitely visceral—I can feel it in my gut, and a little lower too—and yet, public mores being what they are, there is not a goddamn thing I can do about it.

Except actually, there is something I can do. I can tell him, right there, in a low enough undertone that the people sitting behind us can’t hear, in a small enough sound bite that I will finish my dirty description before the server comes with our tea, but enough to make his spine weaken sideways for a moment and his fingers convulsively clench at mine, and his eyes roll momentarily before he scrunches them shut and then takes a deep breath and open his eyes and sit up straight because, whoops, here’s the server and he may have seen my lover blink his eyes open, but he has no idea what I said to get my lover like that.

This is my favorite application of dirty talk: public sleaze. When you and your lover’s minds are dirty enough, and you know how to communicate at least some portion of that filth, out loud, you can go a long, LOOONG way in public. You can “do” things in public with dirty talk that you can’t actually do anywhere. And if tease/torment is at all a part of your play dynamic, then public sleaze is the BEST. That added constraint of “what people might think” is DELICIOUS.

Not used to bringing your sleaze out in public? Some tips from a dedicated dirty talker:

  • Keep it simple. “What I want to do to you (in appreciative detail),” “what you did to me this morning was AMAZING (and here's why),” and “what my body feels like right now, in the aftermath” are all good sleaze-starters.
  • Keep it to yourselves. If it’s obviously dirty talk, lean in close, or just take a good look around you to see where possible listeners lurk. The more likely it is that others might hear, the more you should keep your innuendo abstract or "in-joke."
  • Use ambient noise to your advantage. Train stations, airports, malls, busy bars… these are good options because the noise will always stay above a certain level.
  • Beware the false din. We've all been places where the decibel level can rise and fall a little more abruptly. You don’t want your crude confession to come out when suddenly and inexplicably everyone in the coffee shop falls silent at once.
  • Practice your poker face. I love leering and winking and a well-raised eyebrow as much as anyone, but keeping a neutral expression when you’re launching into a really crude description is devastatingly effective. The contrast can be mind-blowing.
  • Give your partner feedback. As with any sex, you want to let them know that what they're doing is working. Do your part freely in a dirty conversation, or show your response in body language (eye rolls, butt squirms, running your finger around the rim of a glass, footsies under the table, unbuttoning another button of your sweater or blouse.

If you want to keep your response totally buttoned down, just look at your partner, right in the eyes, while they or you talk. Put all your sleaze in that look. Remember, though: you might feel like this is the most discreet way of responding, but if the conversation is that hot, people around you will be able to tell. But that’s okay. All you’re doing is talking and looking at each other.

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If you think we need to keep spreading the sleaze (consensually, of course), then put your money where your mouth is and become a patron of mine over on Patreon. Between my regular blog posts and the SUPER-regular Smut Slam tours, my work is all about open, authentic communication about sex, and your sponsorship of my work is what really makes it go.

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