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ASK A PHONE WHORE: do you ever get any female callers? (pt. 2, aka, why do you only get male callers?)

ASK A PHONE WHORE is a semi-regular feature, appearing whenever I get a good question. Anything you want to know about my phone work, ask away! Make sure to read through the archives here to see if I’ve already addressed your question in a previous post, or to see if I’ve written about something already and you have follow-up questions. I may set up a separate page here to solicit questions, or maybe just put a widget up, but for now I’ll be running my mail bag over on Facebook.

Q: Do you ever get any female callers?

No. See here for part 1, in summary:

1) WOMEN CAN GET THEIR SEXUAL/FANTASY NEEDS MET MORE EASILY THAN MEN.

The underlying truth in this statement is the following:

2) (STRAIGHT) MEN HAVE A VERY DIFFICULT TIME IN THIS SOCIETY GETTING THEIR SEXUAL/FANTASY NEEDS MET

The idea that men have a hard time getting it on seems to fly in the face of everything society tells us about men and sex: that they are bold in putting it out there, that they’re always talking about it, that they have no problem swinging into a bar and asking for it.

But men can’t really talk about it. Not really. Not authentically. All of the outlets women have created or co-opted for communicating with each other about what they really do, what they really want or fantasize about—support groups and online blogs and woman-positive sex toy stores and sexual activism and live theatre and just the fact that we are socialized to communicate more—none of that is available to straight men. Not without risk. Sometimes substantial.

Straight men might brag in the locker room, but I can’t imagine starting off one of those bragging sessions with “Yeah, I got my girlfriend to peg my ass, it was so fucking hot!” They might be able to hit on a girl in a bar with their pussy-eating skills, but they might not be so forthcoming with the fact that ALL they want to do is eat pussy, or lick feet, or they really mostly like getting naked in order to pillow-talk or cuddle skin on skin. They don’t have the same options that women do for casual exploration of same-sex physicality; guys, try making out on the dance floor of a mainstream meat-market type nightclub and see where that gets you. No, don’t. I know where it’d get you: dragged out the side door and kicked in the ribs, or worse. Men can’t even look sideways at a urinal without that threat looming over their heads.

I’m not saying this is true for all men. Some have managed to find communities and find copacetic lovers and create safe spaces for their authentic sexuality. Some men have taken a deep breath and spoken out, some men talk to their lovers, they have figured out what they want, and boldly put it out there. But most have not. For most men, there is very little room to move. They are balanced on a very narrow and precarious platform, the area of space that contains what men are allowed to want and fantasize about and go after, and if they step off of that in any public way, then they are screwed, and not in a good way.

This is why phone sex. This is why the extreme gender gap exists among clients for phone sex. Because most women have ways to explore their own sexualities, and most men do not. I cannot fix this problem, much as I want to, much as I feel it to be a grave inequity and seriously fucked up and actually a tragedy. I can only encourage men to tackle it themselves.

Men, for the love of all that is sacred and/or awesome in your sexual soul, please: GET ON THAT SHIT.