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FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “sexy alternative names for my trans partners’ genitals?”

I’ve had trans partners who want to call their genitals different names to penis/vulva. Do you have any sexy suggestions?

If there is one thing I’ve learned from eight years of Smut Slam, eight years of phone sex work, eight years of Sidewalk Smut, and a lifetime as a verbally sexual being, it’s that sexy talk is incredibly subjective.

A word or phrase that one person finds hot, or that you think everyone finds hot because of its ubiquity in porn or pop culture or meme… could be the very thing that harshes someone else’s erotic buzz for the rest of the evening. Some people prefer the term “cunt” for their genitals, other people wince when I suggest it as an option out on the Smut Stand. And this is just making someone feel less sexy. When it comes to trans people, getting the wrong name for body parts can add an extra layer of body dysphoria and really mess with their heads.

So… my suggestion isn’t sexy per se, but it is simple and truly one-size-fits-all:

Ask your partner(s) what they want their genitals to be called. 

When you’re getting to the point where sexytimes are on the table, include questions about names into the larger discussion about turn-ons and kinks and mutually negotiated “what do you want to do?” There are definitely lots of different ways that trans people refer to their genitals; just listen, and use them!

If you don’t tend to do more formal discussions about turn-ons—you know, sitting down at the kitchen table with the yes-no-maybe checklists—but you still want to initiate that conversation, well then, you start it. Tell your partner whatyou want to hear, and maybe just fold your language preferences into more activity-oriented statements: “I love it when you nuzzle on my tits like that.” “My clit is getting really hard right now.” “I bought a new cock just for you, I can’t wait to see how it looks with your lips wrapped around it.”

Model the filthy language you want to see in the world!

PS: Here's one helpful resource I found while reading up for this piece:

Get Real

https://rainbowresourcecentre.org/files/GetReal-RRC.pdf

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