When I grow old, I will wear tube tops
Mad, mad props to my colleague, Confessions, for a youtube channel that is as entertaining as it is educational. It was there that I found a short film called Phone Sex Grandma. Click on the link, baby. You will be so glad you did.
At first I was like, holy shit, that is one feisty old foulmouthed PSO bitch. And then I looked at the credits, and it looked like Opal Dockery wrote the piece. So I looked her up in IMDB and Opal is even more amazing than that: she’s a former burlesque dancer/stripper, and she and her son have done a series of short films–both documentary and mockumentary, like this one–plus a book about her work. I am in AWE. I’m going to try to get her on my radio show to interview her sometime, but in the meantime, truly, bow down to Opal. I TOTALLY thought she was really doing those calls. There was some speculation on the PSO forum about what company she works for! Wow. If I can get even one-tenth of her authenticity when I “do the calls” in Phone Whore, I will be ecstatic.
Speaking of the radio show, it’s not on this week, people! I’m going to be out of town until Friday, so y’all should be using this week as a chance to catch up on back episodes of Cameryn Moore, Phone Whore, and I’ll have another all-new episode out for you next Wednesday.
So I sent in my $4,403.76 and application to the Fringe Tour Lottery today. That may be the most money that has ever passed through my hands at one time, all that on a shot to get my play, Phone Whore, into seven fringe festivals at once. Now, if I don’t win this lottery, all is not lost. I get my entry fees back, and each individual festival will be holding its own lottery, starting with Montreal in December and rolling west, so I apply individually and string together the fringe component of the tour that way as well. But DAMN, I want to get the whole Fringe package settled, all at once. I want it so bad, I can taste it! (It tastes like wind and butterflies and the loganberries they use on the Swedish crepes at IHOP, with a slight aftertaste of nervous bile.)
They’re holding the tour lottery in London, Ontario, on Thursday morning, 10/29, and they’ll let people know on Monday. Aw, man. Why we gotta wait? Believe me, if I win a spot from this lottery, I’m not letting anyone wait. No, I’ll make you wait for 15 minutes while I submerge my head in a bucket of champagne, and then I’m gonna drunk-facebook/dial/blog EVERY-FUCKIN-BODY.