Coming Out, Staying In

For some reason, I thought I was done with dramatic personal transformations or realizations that I’d need to tell my folks about. I mean, I haven’t lived under their roof for over 20 years, I see them maybe once every 2-3 years, and I talk with them over the phone every other month. They live completely on the other side of the country, they’re Mormons, and they’re still a little lost about the whole bisexual thing.

Just when I think it’s not possible to make my life any more different from theirs, then I have to go and find my life’s work in getting guys off over the phone. That, plus the whole Phone Whore tour thing, makes life complicated. Because even the stuff that would normally be perfectly appropriate for idle chit chat, even that suddenly becomes treacherous territory.

So, how are you doing at that new job, where is it again?

Customer service at a call center.

Oh, and that’s pretty much any time of day, right?

Yes, customers need help any time. … (rushes in to fill awkward silence) Oh, and I’m, uh, working on a one-woman show, hoping to tour for four months next year!

Oh, that’s great, honey. What’s it about?

Uh. Oh. Just my life, you know.

Oh. … Good! Let us know if you make it through here with the show!

I doubt it, Mom. Because if I tell you that I’m coming through, you’re going to want to know about the show. And if I tell you about the show, you’re going to cry, because you’ll know for a fact that I’m beyond praying for, and you’re getting old and, as rootless and guiltless and shameless as I am, I am not sure that even my jaded nerves are up to the task.


Check out what the Three Naked Ladies said this week about coming out to their people about their sex work. And let me know what you’ve told your people about yours. Seriously. Because I fear the conversation is coming, and as much experience as I have had coming out, I suddenly feel like a 19-year-old baby dyke all over again.

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