$300 for grass seed?! (post-orgasm humor from one of my guys)

One of my regulars, he’s not particularly notable for the elaborateness of his fantasies, but every time we talk he always has a new sex joke to tell me afterward. Some people smoke a cigarette after, he tells jokes. And they’re not mean bigot or rape jokes, either, which is a refreshing change from the open mic scene. The jokes Ron B. tells are kind of what Readers’ Digest would run if they had a regular joke page called “The Birds and the Bees”. Or maybe what your awesome great-uncle would tell out by the fire pit when your mom steps away for the marshmallows and he’s had two beers too many. Here’s the first installment!


There’s a new salesperson at the department store who’s learning the ropes. His manager repeatedly tells him how important add-ons are for increasing sales. “The next customer who comes through the door, I’ll help him, and you watch how it’s done, ” she says.

So the next customer comes in and says, “I need five pounds of grass seed.”

The manager says “Right away, sir.” She goes out, finds the bag of grass seed, sets it on the counter and says, “That’ll be $300.”

The customer is stunned. “300 dollars for five pounds of grass seed?!”

“No, that’s 5 dollars for the grass seed, and $295 for the 7-horsepower lawnmower you’re going to need after all the grass comes up.”

The customer looks thoughtful and then says, “you’re right!” and he pays and leaves.

“I think I understand,” says the newbie salesperson. “The next customer who comes in, I’ll help them and you see if I’ve got it.”

A few minutes later a woman comes up to the counter. the salesperson says, “Good morning, ma’am, may I help you? ” the customer says, “I need a box of regular tampons.”

The salesperson says “Right away.” He goes out into the store, and comes back and places it on the counter and says, “that’ll be $298.”

The customer’s jaw drops. “298 dollars for a box of tampons?!”

“No, the tampons are $3, and then $295 for a 7-horsepower lawnmower. Since you’re not going to be doing any fucking for a while, you might as well mow the lawn.”


I love it. Thanks, Ron!

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