FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “What is your opinion on rim jobs?”
I love questions like these from the Fuckbucket. They give me license to rant from the mic about subjects that, out in â€œthe real world,â€ donâ€™t get much air time at all. Out in that world, anyone who has an opinion about such subjects other than â€œewâ€ is branded an obsessive pervert.
In the context of Smut Slam and the Fuckbucket, however, I get to soapbox about all the good, sexy, so-called weird shit as much as I like. And let me tell you:
I DEFINITELY LIKE RIM JOBS.
They are unfairly the butt of many bad jokesâ€”like that oneâ€”and of course thereâ€™s a lot of anxiety about them in the collective sexual consciousness, because POOP COMES OUT OF THERE and people are super anxious about cleanliness because POOP. This is true for any sexual practice involving the back door, but rim jobs get special squick value because POOP POOP POOP YOUâ€™RE PUTTING YOUR MOUTH DOWN THERE.
To which I say: breathe, people. I was once like you.
Story time: some sixteen years ago, I had a lover who liked rim jobs done on him. I had never, ever eaten anyoneâ€™s ass, or asked anyone to eat mine, and I was PETRIFIED. Straight-up. The first time I tried diving in, I panicked at the last second and burst into tears and hid in the pillows for five minutes. Several subsequent attempts involved hysterical giggling and a lot of â€œoh god, oh god, oh god.â€
I came up with the solution all by myself: I just put my fingertip over his butthole and licked around it. The actual orifice was blocked, I wasnâ€™t going to accidentally Put My Tongue In, but he was still getting a lot of the anal stimulation that he liked, or at least anal-adjacent stimulation. Given my own time to feel comfortable with it, I slowly pushed my tongue closer and closerâ€”by slowly, I do mean over the course of several sessionsâ€”and eventually found myself actually getting my tongue right on it. His enthusiastic reactions were my main motivating factor for pushing my own boundaries.
Receiving rim jobs also took some mental adjustments in order for me to relax about it, but that happened a lot faster. For people with pussies, thereâ€™s not that much distance between oral and a rim job! My partnerâ€™s hands guided me to an upright position before I even knew it, and then whoop, there it was! That was the first time I had ever done that position at all, actually, so the whole thing was new. It helped that he was clearly very enthusiastic about the whole thing. He didnâ€™t say anythingâ€”he couldnâ€™t, because his mouth was fullâ€”but the way he was grabbing at my thighs to keep me on his face told me that he was totally down with it.
I learned that getting clean will take a lot of the stress, shame, and overall squick-factor out, whether youâ€™re giving or receiving. An enema isnâ€™t necessary, although if you think you might want to go deeper afterward, it might be a good idea; however, a good thorough scrub and shower back there is great. (Get all the soap rinsed off. Seriously.)
Finally, I am a strong supporter of rim jobs, because they make other butt sex things so much better. They relax your anal sphincter, which is great for anal penetration. They are an interesting way to get a cisgendered dude into the notion of â€œboy pussy.â€
And everyone squirms. Everyone.
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