FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: what’s the craziest role-play scenario you’ve ever done?

One of the craziest role-play scenarios I’ve ever done was to pretend that I was rich and eat fancy-pants fruit cocktail out of crystal goblets. It was just a little _too_ weird, you know what I mean?

I am hard-pressed to answer this question, owing to the relative nature of terms used. Like, I have no idea what “craziest” means here, because the Fuckbucket is anonymous and I don’t know what the Fuckbucketeer considers “crazy” in bed. As I like to say, one person’s kinky is another person’s Sunday brunch with the newspaper; depending on the tone of voice and who is saying it, calling a role-play “crazy” could be a compliment or it could be the last vicious verbal stab delivered just before calling the cops.

I personally don’t use the word “crazy” hardly ever anymore, either, but if we’re talking about “unexpected” or “absurd” or “least likely to actually happen in my own life,” I have written at length about role-playing that I did in the course of my phone sex work; some of it is pretty damned wild and probably qualifies to answer this question directly.

But here’s the other thing about this question, which I get asked a fair bit: I get a little weirded out. WHY DO THEY NEED TO KNOW?

Are they asking because they are thinking about their own proclivities in their own fantasies and real relationships, and they’re a little freaked out? Maybe they did something that felt really. really good but was also really far out of their comfort zone, and now they are wandering around looking for a little reassurance that they’re not actually that weird. My comment will help soothe their unease, maybe?

Are they asking because they want to know that yes, they are that weird? Are they needing some sort of kink ranking because they don’t really have anyone else to talk with and they want to know how they stack up?

Or is it simply a voyeuristic urge? G’wan, spill the dirt, we know you’re working with nasty fuckers on the phone line, g’wan. We haven’t got anything much dirty going on in our own lives, so we thought maybe you’d have something we could giggle about. These people are asking for the ick and the squick and the mockery and being able to snort with other-directed disgust. There is probably a lot of overlap between them and people who think that all of my phone sex clients were losers.

But as much as this third category of people is trying to put down some dividing lines, to other “freaks” and crazy people, I think they are revealing more than they might like. This thought calms me down about the original question, and tells me something universal: whatever their conscious thinking and their actual attitudes, when people ask about the craziest thing or the weirdest thing or the kinkiest thing, they are really seeking reassurance.

They want to know that their desires are, if not common, at least fine.

They want to believe that they are not alone in their desires to be two puppies wrestling and biting and curling up together afterward.

They want to know that they themselves are not weird for role-playing a specific kind of very rare Pokémon and its trainer.

They are afraid about things they think about that they don’t even know how to articulate, and they want to know that they are actually not the most depraved beasts that God ever created and then abandoned in disgust.

For these people, then, and for you, dear Fuckbucketeer, here are some other answers that you might think about:

My craziest role-play scenario is so “out there” that yours fits comfortably inside the space I made for it. My craziest role-play scenario is not nearly as wild as yours, so aren’t you the edgy bastard. God took a look at my craziest role-play scenario and said, “Hey, this is consensual and you look like you’re having fun and you know how to clean up, good job, thumbs up, kids, carry on.”


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  • Ruth

    I’d challenge the assumption here that asking as a voyeuristic urge is for the purposes of mocking and judging. It could be asking with a voyeuristic urge because they want to hear an exciting story to be wrapped up in and empathise with and enjoy vicariously

    September 26, 2017 at 12:31 pm
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