the Fuckbucket

Welcome to the online home of The Fuckbucket, a miraculous vessel where you can anonymously deposit your sexual confessions and questions and get a) the satisfaction of releasing your secret, and maybe b) an answer? Of sorts? Or resources? Or maybe just a brief but sympathetic reflection.

If you want to send artwork + text as a submission (a la Postsecret), you can upload a jpg file, but it must be an original creation.

1. Submissions are being read & pre-screened by me and one other person.
2. I reserve the right to publish any submissions here on the blog and in future projects (say, a Fuckbucket exhibit).
3. I do not answer all the questions I receive or work in any kind of order.
4. Please keep your text submissions to under 50 words. jpgs should be 300dpi.
5. Please change names of people in your story to protect their anonymity. I will not do that for you.
6. Confessions and questions will be screened for any areas of non-consent and general douchebaggery.

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The archives

FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “sexy alternative names for my trans partners’ genitals?”

I’ve had trans partners who want to call their genitals different names to penis/vulva. Do you have any sexy suggestions? If there is one thing I’ve learned from eight years of Smut Slam, eight years of phone sex work, eight years of Sidewalk Smut, and a lifetime as a verbally ...

FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: What are some ways poly people make commitments to partners?

One interesting potential side effect of exploring polyamory is that it can bring people way down deeper into the question of “what does this relationship mean?” It doesn’t always—some people just don’t want to go that deep—but for people who are trying to pay attention to how they do relationships, ...

FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “How to help a friend in a club, from a harasser, when she acts against that help?”

That sounds both alarming and frustrating to be in your shoes, watching your friend behave in a way that seems counterproductive, if not actually risky. Whether this is happening in a nightclub or a sex club—I can’t tell, and it doesn’t really matter—women and people perceived as women are quite ...

FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “I opened up my marriage. I am having loads of fun, but he is not. How to cheer him up?”

Short answer: “Cheering him up” needs to be lower on your list of things to do. As with many Fuckbucket items, there is no context here, so I’m going to hazard a few educated and/or statistically probable guesses: This is a straight couple (individual orientations unknown), and you are a ...

FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “What is the best way to have sex in an airplane?”

The best way, goodness. You’re asking someone who has never had sex in an airplane. The closest I’ve come was sex in a train compartment, once in a private compartment, and one time shared, both times awkward in their own ways. Additionally, the Fuckbucketeer asks about “the best” without qualifying ...

FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “How do I know (if) I have a fetish?”

When people ask this sort of “how do I know if…” question, it usually means one of two things: you want the thing to be true, e.g. you want to have a fetish, or you don’t want the thing to be true, that is, you don't want to have a fetish. These ...

FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: If you are a top in a consensual rape scene, does that mean you have rapist tendencies?

Is consensual non-consensual sex (e.g. choking or rape fantasy) anti-feminist? Then, if you enjoy the “consensual rapist” role, does that mean that you have rapist tendencies? Short answer: not necessarily. I firmly believe that no fantasies or consensual play are inherently bad, by whatever moral/ethical standards you’re using to make ...

FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “I’d like to try sex with other men. Where do I look and should I explain myself?”

I consider myself mainly hetero and want to get to know how sex with another man is. How do I meet somebody and should I explain my situation or just pretend I am into men? Online dating was MADE for people like you: you know exactly what you want, but ...

From the Fuckbucket: “how do I be less of a prude?” [vlog, SFW]

Y'all, I was too tired to put it down in writing, but this question from one of the Smut Slams kinda stuck in my head and made me want to respond ...

FUCKBUCKET FRIDAY: “Is there anything sex-related that remains a mystery to you?”

Good lord, yes. Here are but a few of the things that remain mysteries. I don’t need to “solve” them, per se; I feel fine with leaving them in the realm of “other people like them” or “not important why.” I am also fine with discussing them and trying to ...