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SMUT STAND REPORT: August 16, 2016 (Edmonton)

WHEN: 3 hours (7:30-10:30pm), August 16, 2016. WHERE: Next to The Next Act bar, near Edmonton Fringe, Edmonton. OUTPUT: three full-length pieces, including a hardcore prelude to a pegging and a soft- to medium-core campsite cuddle about to become some cowgirl action against a fallen tree.

I had been scouting the Fringe campus for nearly a week, looking for likely Smut Stand spots. There were a few, but they were almost always occupied by buskers with Fringe permits, and I didn’t want to get in people’s way and possibly have the Fringe cracking down on me. A couple of days ago I noted the spot next to the big “theatre bar” right across from the Fringe. Off of Fringe grounds, so not under their jurisdiction, but no shelter in case of one of those infamous Ten-Minute Monsoons that Edmonton summer is so good at. Also that corner occasionally gets a living statue or a belligerent rose seller. It’s not as territorial as New Orleans, but I still hesitate to step on any toes.

But… this particular street is big enough, surely, for all of us, and yesterday the weather report finally held for non-rain, and jesus Christ, I need to do SOME kind of outdoor smut this year or what kind of sidewalk pornographer am I? Also, I got a $50 parking ticket for being too long in a two-hour spot. I need the cash. So, I took a chance and lugged out the set-up.

As always, it took a while for the location to wake up to the presence of the Smut Stand; even though I had up the full 7-foot-high pull-up banner, there is enough of that advertising around the Fringe that I think people are immune to it for first impressions. Doesn’t even register at first. The typing, though… that remains a siren song that cuts through all street noise and busyness everywhere.

My first warm-up pieces were shit. Keep breathing, I told myself, keep typing. You haven’t smutted on the street since last October, and this isn’t like normal writing, remember, so it’s okay if you feel a little stiff. That cash on the barrelhead is the great motivator, remember?

And it was. The first commission, it was a couple and to be honest, they felt a little overwhelming with a weird combination of “we’re together but not really, but off and on” and also “we’re not really kinky, but maybe a little.” A little more talking, they seemed to want in their sex lives, and a little more dominance from him, but they were both reluctant to name it. And then: "kinky, but not, you know, weird.” This is a very common request in Sidewalk Smut. Thankfully, they were able to articulate enough about specific acts and locations that I could figure out where their lines were and how much I could press them on it. The piece went down so well when I read it to them that the dude tipped me an extra tenner. I hope they laid each other so hard afterward.

The next piece came from a woman who had stopped by with her adult niece, who happened to be a Fringe volunteer and very interested in seeing my show. The niece was a little shy about getting a piece for herself—but not too shy to ask me to autograph the ticket for tomorrow’s show that she had just picked up!—but the aunt hurried back on her own after sending her niece to hold down a seat at the beer tent. One sensual backpacking piece with lots of neck nuzzling and tit worshipping, coming up!

The final smut of the evening, hahahahah, GLORIOUS. This young straight couple came up and said, “you’re still here, hooray!” The man explained that they had spotted me on their way to a beer and a show, his wife quickly googled me and read all about Sidewalk Smut, and then before, during, and after the show was fretting about whether I’d still be there when they got out. They tip-toed around a few interesting motifs in their interview—I was really spoiled for choice there—but when I read them the story, about a slightly fem-dom pegging, I knew I had picked the right one.

Enough passersby asked me if I would be around at all during the rest of the Fringe that I kinda had to say yes. I’m looking at three more nights out of the remaining five, just three hours a night. I feel guilty about not flyering or seeing shows during that time, but you know what? Smut Stand is as much a part of what I do as theatre is, and it really is a nice change of pace from FRINGEFRINGEFRINGE, so I really ought to keep the fire burning there too..

*****

With the touring and the writing and smutting it up in the face of pervasive side-eye, I need an army of guardian angels! Enlist now, by becoming a patron of mine over on Patreon!

 

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