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FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: why do you think people are so scared of fisting?

“Why do you think people are so scared of fisting?”

It is undeniably true that the general public is frightened of fisting. The act of getting one’s whole hand into one’s partner’s ass or vagina is usually one of the top items in the list of “extreme sex acts,” whenever someone wants to talk about extreme sex. And it’s not a coincidence that a few years ago fisting made the list of acts that could not be depicted in porn available in the UK. It’s definitely got a bit of a reputation.

Why is it scary, though? I would like to propose two main reasons.

Ka-POW. This is not how you do it.

1) People don’t understand how fisting actually works.

The pro-fisting lobby is not helped by older models of fisting toys. You know what I’m talking about: it’s basically a dildo shaped like someone’s forearm, and the hand on the end has been formed in a fist, an “I’m going to punch you out” fist. Today I looked up “fist dildo” online to see what’s out there these days, and I was glad to see some proper fisting toys available, with the proper hand position and detailing down to the fingernails. But the collective consciousness is much more familiar with the old variety. Ka-POW.

Fisting fans (can I please use the portmanteau afistianados?) know that neither vaginas or assholes are meant to get punched open. In general, vaginal canals are considerably more adaptable than anal sphincters (see below), but both cases, one does not use an actual fist when you first start.

You start slow, adding your fingers one at a time—lots of lube, obviously, whether you’re digging into a front or back hole. By the time you get up to four fingers and you’re getting ready to add the thumb, keep your fingers long and compressed together, a fleshy wedge of pleasure. Go slow, jeezus fucking Christ, kids, this is not a race for anything.

NOTE: whoever you are fisting gets the final say on everything, from amount to pacing to choice of background music.

AFTER you get your hand up in is when you can start playing around with shifting your fingers and your hand around in different positions (going super slow and checking in with your fistee all the fucking time). But no fists, not at the start, and no punching. THERE IS NO PUNCHING OF FISTS WHEN YOU ARE FISTING.

(I know I'm going to get a note from hardcore fisters about how they can totally punch fist their partner's ass. I would just say they've probably been working on that party trick for a decade at least.)

2) People don’t understand how the human body works.

Especially when it comes to the vaginas of cisgender women. If you do it right, and your partner’s fist matches well with your body, fisting is not going to break your vagina. For most women, that little flesh tube is capable of expanding to pass an 8-pound cannonball, er, baby through, right?

In spite of the way that our culture conceptualizes non-virginal vajayjays—all that talk about looseness, both metaphorical and supposedly real—a cunt that stretches doesn’t stay that way. Unless cut or otherwise brutalized, the muscles can bounce back on their own. Also, KEGELS! There are Kegels.

What about the butt? Well, rectal sphincters need to be handled even more carefully at the start of any forays into fisting, as I understand it—SO MUCH LUBE—but they can be strengthened too.

One great thing about ass-fisting is that, while the rectum doesn’t have the same elasticity as a vagina, it more than makes up for that in capacity for depth. Think about it. For cisgendered vaginas, there is a natural upper limit, aka the cervix. That’s as far as you can go. But in asses, IF YOU’RE CAREFUL, up to the elbow is entirely do-able.

Just saying.

Don't be scared of fisting, my friends! You don't have to do it if you don't want to, but if you want to try it out, you will not break your bits.

*****

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