There is no formula for which days will be slow. Some are obvious, like Super Bowl Sunday or Christmas (and even so, some operators will make bank on those days). But I can’t even begin to guess at the variables going into the collective hormonal ebb and flow that made that Wednesday three weeks ago a bangin’ phone party, and this Wednesday deader than a … I don’t know what. A really dead thing, that coincidentally is not making me any money lying there dead.

It’s not a day off, though, mind you, because I still can’t leave the house. So I fill the day with other stuff. Calling up colleges and venues to book my show, knowing that any gigs I get aren’t going to help me now, but hoping to stabilize the income stream down the road, at least. Doing dishes that stacked up from the last two days, when there were some calls that interrupted my housework. Reading, petting the cat, planning my actual vacation, occasionally stepping outside for five minutes of pale wintry sunshine.

long cat doesn’t mind. long cat is long and very content with the silence. Even after more than a year with his phone-sex mom, long cat is disturbed by phone sex, starting with the loud ring of the landline and right on through to all the sound effects and moans I have to do. When he leaps off the bed with a chirp and stalks out the door, I imagine that his backward glance at me is fully loaded with disapproval. Too bad, long cat. Where do you think your Meow Mix comes from?

On slow days, the occasional phone ring becomes startling. It’s easy for me to forget why exactly I’m lying here, card file next to my left elbow, phone within reach. I’m memorizing lines or Facebooking or emailing or playing online Boggle. When the phone rings, my brain explodes for one startling moment, and then I have a second ring in which to pull myself together. “Hi, this is Cameryn… yes, I’m ready.”

Hastily digging out the customer card, or piecing together my traits for a new guy–my age, my tit size, my ass, my voice–I’m reminded what it is I do for money. I’m available to talk about sex on demand. But if for one day demand is low, then it’s harder for me to jump.

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