Call of the Day: anatomy of a first-time caller

It’s my only caller so far today, a new guy, not only to me and to the company, but he’s never done phone sex in his life, he says, and I believe him. Per my usual approach, I greet him and describe myself within 45 seconds; a 10-minute call gives me a little bit of room for that, as opposed to the lightning-round 7-minute package, but not much. He spends WAY longer describing himself than most guys do, not because he’s being narcissistic, but because a) he pauses a lot and speaks slow, and b) he wants to give me a detailed physical description that, honestly, sounds legit.

Okay, down to 7:45. Let’s play Top Three, where we each get to say the things we like to do or talk about and see where our interests overlap. My standards: deep throating, ass play (either way), girl on top. (These are all true, BTW.)

“I like all those. I also really like to watch women masturbate, and see what turns them on.” He then tells all about his first wife being a “closet perv” and his second wife liking to turn the camera on herself and watching herself while she jacks off. He is enjoying telling the stories, but I’m not hearing any audible signs of him being turned on.

Um. We’re down to 4:15. I just want to let you know that we have about 5 minutes left.

“Oh, okay!” Then he proceeds to ask me some other stuff, like, he’s legitimately curious. I try to steer it toward a culmination, but he is … information gathering?

Overtime, at -0:15. Honey, our time is up. I am not trying to run you up, but it sounded like you really wanted to tell me about some of this stuff. If you want to call me back, I’ll be here for the rest of the afternoon, or you can call back and ask for me some other day.

“Oh, yeah, definitely. <my phone name>, right?”


Twenty minutes later, he calls back, for another 10. I start out by clarifying: So this is the first time you’ve ever done phone sex?

“Yeah.” I want to ask him why, at the age of 51, he decided to start now, but that’s not going to further the discussion at hand, and he is already getting into something else, asking in a very polite way if I would consider talking to him and his wife sometime. “She’s played around a little bit with a friend of hers, but she’s still curious. Could I prepay and then you call her?”

Um, no, you’d have to be the one taking the call.

“Yes, of course, that’s what I mean.”

Sure, if she’s into it, you could put me on speakerphone and we could talk. (In my head, I’m rolling my eyes. But I know, anecdotally, that those kinds of calls can work.)

Down to 4 minutes again. How did that happen? He just keeps wanting to talk about … stuff. I wanted to let you know we have about four minutes left.

“That’s fine.”

Um, I just wanted to make sure, you do have your hand on your cock, right?

“Yes, I do!” So I lay out a couple of different ways he could get a good look at my pussy, and he is into both of them, but he’s NOT MOVING ON IT and I’m not able to push any faster. He doesn’t sound frustrated, either, he’s just enjoying the talk.

DING. We’ve hit 0:00. So, I gotta go, but I hope you’ll call me back sometime.


And if you’re going to get your wife on the line, too, make sure that you order, um, enough time for all of it.

“Yes, of course. Thank you!”

I’m unsettled—I rarely get someone entirely new to phone sex, and usually everyone is pretty outcome-oriented—but it is what it is. He’s pleasant enough, and remembers my name. Afterward I had to remind myself that it’s not that he doesn’t know how to “do” phone sex. Maybe this is how he’s going to do it, and I just didn’t recognize it at first.

1 Comment
  • roz

    “Afterward I had to remind myself that it’s not that he doesn’t know how to “do” phone sex. Maybe this is how he’s going to do it, and I just didn’t recognize it at first.”

    I find it cool that you’re a pro and can still have these types of realizations. We can say over and over that there’s No One Way to do sex/intimacy, and yet there are still new/surprising options.

    February 17, 2012 at 5:14 pm
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