CALL OF THE DAY: color commentary at the Perv Bowl

Whenever I go on tour and become less available, he will forget me, but when I’m on call a lot, he’s definitely a regular. His voice is mild, very low-affect, even when he’s turned on. He likes to bring me in with him and his wife, Lorraine, and “make her be a slut”, i.e. eat my pussy, suck and fuck lots of fat cock and doggie dick—bet you didn’t know that was a slut requirement!—and then he fucks her at the very end and comes when I describe how he’s not big enough for a fucked-out jizz-filled hole like that.

What’s creatively interesting for me with his calls is that I’m “talking to” two different people: him and his wife, and mostly it’s his wife. See, “in scene” he talks about her in the third person, as though she’s right there, putting on a show, doing raunchy things to or for me and other people and critters and some outrageously designed sex toy. I take my cues from him, so I talk about her in the third person, too, and we end up sounding like play-by-play color commentary at some kind of Perv-Bowl sport-fucking competition (“look at Lorraine go, she cannot keep her hands off of them!” “Yeah, and that pussy is so big, damn, it’s gonna take a lot bigger man than you to satisfy her!”).

And then he’ll switch hats and he’s more overtly the director of the scene, and he feeds me the next lines or the next action, i.e. “I think you should get over there and sit on her face” or “ask her how many men she fucked yesterday”. (The last time he told me to do that, I laughed really bitchily and said, “Uh-oh, SHE CAN’T REMEMBER.”)

Other than how readily he shifts between perspective during the call, there is nothing particularly new in his scenes: threesomes, domming, BBC, TP (“tiny penis” fantasies), lesbo action, beastie, and cuckolding. There’s just a LOT of it. There’s just… fuckin’ ALL of it. He likes a nice diverse spread!

And you know what else? It’s unusual for a caller to fantasize about his actual partner. He likes thinking that Lorraine is a hot fuckin’ slut, and that’s… kinda sweet.


DON’T YOU WISH THERE WAS A PERV BOWL? My performances are, kind of. Show your love NOW by pitching in some funds to get me and my solo play Phone Whore to the 2013 Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Read all about it by clicking on the Indiegogo button below.

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