CALL OF THE DAY: burning out is more annoying than I thought it would be
In the last six months or so heâ€™s become something of a regular, much to my dismay, because heâ€™s got a thing for ass-to-vadgeâ€”in addition to his foot fetish and trigger phrase of â€œhairy cuntâ€ and his sly, whiny voiceâ€”and something about all of this together has always made me feel a little icky.
People have asked meÂ why thisÂ bothers meÂ and not, say, the incest stuff. Because, yeah, Iâ€™ve handled much more graphic content, subjectively speaking. I think Iâ€™m dealing with two different things here:
- a callerâ€™s fantasy is less likely to bother me the closer it is to some of my I do age-play, remember? and
- itâ€™s more likely to irritate me, the closer it is to something problematic that I regularly see depicted out in the world, either in porn or what people actually do in sex. Hence ass-to-vadge, or insisting on â€œshe-malesâ€ passing, etc.
And then there’s how the caller presents himself.Â This guy is not even mean, heâ€™s just insistent, which yes, is something I see out in sex tips. Lately I am being particularly set off by his insistence that I orgasm two or three times in a 10-minute call.
There are logistical reasons for my reluctance to do so. For the past six months I have been billeting in other peopleâ€™s houses, with walls of unknown thicknesses separating my room from the neighboursâ€™ flats; one orgasm can be excused as a thing, but three in rapid succession is stretching credibility. Iâ€™ve also been on tour, which means I have to take care of my voice, and fake orgasms are even harder on the vocal cords than real ones!
I can tell some of my guys that I canâ€™t be loud; oddly enough, Extreme Top has been very good during the times when I am either protecting my voice or taking calls in a place where I canâ€™t be loud. He accepts my quiet whimpers and manages to get off just fine.
But this â€œhairy cuntâ€ mommyfucker is one of a cadre of callers who demand only the â€œbestâ€ and the loudest from me, and they wonâ€™t come without me coming, and if I accidentally or casually give them a second orgasm in the middle of aÂ call, then they demand that from me ever after, until they get jaded on that and want a third one, etc.
Itâ€™s too much now. This is the sign of me burning out, I realized: when I canâ€™t be bothered to act turned on, and faking an orgasm annoys me, and in the middle of my anger, I want to freak out and tell them The Truth, like â€œyour stripper hates youâ€ kind of truths.
In that moment, I give myself teeth marks on my hand from biting down hard enough to keep myself from screaming BUT “HAIRY CUNT” IS THE GROSSEST PHRASE EVER AND YOUR WHINY SLY VOICE DISGUSTS ME AND THE WAY YOU TALK ABOUT PUTTING YOUR DICK FROM MY ASS TO MY HAIRY CUNT MAKES ME THINK THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SEX HYGIENE AND ALSO THAT MAYBE YOU ARE TRYING TO DEGRADE ME BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT HAIRY CUNTS ARE NATURALLY GROSS AND SO WHAT’S A LITTLE BIT OF GERMY ASS JUICE IN A GROSS HAIRY CUNT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FINE I’LL COME A SECOND TIME FOR YOU FINE I’LL BEG YOU TO FUCK MY HAIRY CUNT FUCK YOUâ€¦
In that moment, I realize that I will never get that relief that I crave so much from telling off all of my annoying customers. I will never be able to give anyone a loud sex-ed take on whatever physical act they just described. I will never be able to sit down and ask a caller, so seriously, you know stealing underwear is some shady shit, you may need to think about a contingency plan if your girlfriend ever figures out what youâ€™re up to.
I will never be able to turn on Extreme Top in the middle of one of his more baroque concoctions and say, YOU STUPID, UNIMAGINATIVE, WANNA-BE DOM, I AM QUITE SURE THAT I COULD ACTUALLY KICK YOUR ASS, AND BY THE WAY, THERE IS NOTHING YOU TELL ME THAT ISNâ€™T ALREADY ON FETLIFE SOMEWHERE, JEEZUS CHRIST, STOP ACTING LIKE YOU PERSONALLY DISCOVERED SCAT, INCEST, AND BUCKETS OF BABY EELS.
I canâ€™t say any of this stuff to my clients; I canâ€™t do a grand â€œfuck-youâ€ screed at the end of my time on the lines. That would hurt my company, and I donâ€™t want to hurt my company. Theyâ€™ve been good to me. Soâ€¦ I have to keep going with the fake orgasms, and the only real satisfaction I will have is the only satisfaction I have ever had: blog posts and Facebook status updates. Itâ€™s not enough, but I guess it has to be.
Become a patron of mine on Patreon and be part of the financial life raft that will keep me afloat and creating while I transition out of phone sex work. Oh, and DON’T WORRY: I have plenty of other sexy and/or fascinating shit to cover.