FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “My husband thinks it’s a great idea” (I bet)

I couldn’t post this last Friday, because the UK went slightly sideways after the genital erection, er, general election. It’s still sideways, to be honest, but life and sex go on. Let’s dig into the Fuckbucket!

“Is it okay to invite my friend and her boyfriend to our party mainly because I really want to shag her boyfriend?! (My husband thinks it’s a great idea!)”

Hello, lovely Fuckbucketeer! Thank you for helping me illustrate that a lot can be read into Fuckbucket submissions, even if they’re hella short and written in not very legible pencil.

For example, the way you punctuated the bit in parentheses makes me think your husband is not an unbiased observer in this situation. I mean, I’m glad that the two of you are on the same page about your open relationship, and that he’s excited about the prospect of you getting some, but… he seems to be really excited about it, so I think maybe don’t listen to your husband on this one.

Let me note also the specific way that you asked what I thought about this. You did not ask “is it bad” or “is it wrong.” You asked “is it okay,” which means that, at least subconsciously, you are expecting/hoping/wanting me to answer yes, it’s okay.

I hate to pop your bubble, but the answer is no: it is not okay to invite your friend and her boyfriend to a party so that you can pounce on her boyfriend.

Fuckbucket questions are of necessity brief and lacking in context—like, there is nothing in your question that concerns their feelings or availability—but here’s a true thing: if you don’t know whether or not they have an open relationship, or you know definitively that they don’t have an open relationship and you just want to make a cheating move, well, you’re a shithead.

Sadly, the strategy you would like to implement is not any more acceptable if your friend and her shaggable sweetheart do have an open relationship. If you don’t know and like them enough to want to invite them to your party for their own sakes, regardless of outcome, then that’s a little weird. Or it could become weird.

Because honestly, I have to wonder about your ability to implement your strategy in an emotionally intelligent way. If you invite them mostly to get into his pants, I don’t think you’d be able to hide where your focus is. Some people could do that—flirt with the guy without making the girlfriend jealous and/or suspicious—but I don’t think you are one of those people. I suspect your friend would figure it out within 30 minutes, between you making unrepentant cow eyes at her lover and your guy standing around watching the scene unfold like his own personal porno.

You can avoid any potential ethical dilemmas here in just one easy step: Ask your friend and her lover about this shit before the party. Stepping into unknown sex and/or relationship territory after everyone’s had a few drinks is a bad idea. Have this conversation sober. If you don’t know your friend well enough to have this conversation sober? You don’t really know her well enough for this to be an ethical option.


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