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CALL OF THE DAY: The Handyman and the Case of the Sudden Dildo

I don't know, but I can't find room for any of my dishes. Maybe something's stuck?

I can't find room for any of my dishes. Maybe something's stuck?

I really thought most of my guys would have forgotten me, during my four months in the UK. I mean, because FOUR MONTHS IS AN ETERNITY FOR AN ERECTION. But no, I am getting requests, and sometimes from callers I just wouldn't have expected.

Like, The Handyman. I didn't have a nickname for him before, because his personality and fantasy just didn't seem strong enough to warrant one, but I am going to reward his loyalty with a nickname. And he does have a distinct narrative thread through his fantasies! Even if it's a very clichéd one…

The Handyman is always either a neighbor or a technician whom I have just called, and he's porn-helpful, in these 10-minute scenarios. Porn-helpful = he needs a really plausible excuse to be knocking on my door, right at a moment when I'm wearing a tight skirt (to show my ass when I'm leading him to whatever minor home repair needs to be handled), and high high heels with stockings (I've just come back from unspecified work or, in the case of this week, just came from the airport).

So, we have to start out with a household problem that I am not wearing the right clothes to deal with; he's right at the door and breathlessly eager to make things easy for me. He wants me to describe what I'm wearing, and then… this is where it gets silly. Because he's not just porn-helpful, the issue has to be a porn-problem, usually to do with a dildo: it fell behind my desk and knocked my internet cables loose. It's underneath the bed where he's fixing the bed frame. Things like that. What started out as a simple helpless female dilemma blooms into a sudden exposure of how ravenous my pussy is, because look at that dildo! I am the slut clown and he is the straight man.

We both understand the formula here, but I still like asking him what our scene is for the day, because a) I like that he is aware enough that calling it "a scene" doesn't put him off, and b) he honestly spends a few seconds creating the back story, and when we get to the "suddenly dildo" part, he clearly experiences a little bit of glee and creative charge, coming up with some reason for that dildo to be there.

This week's story had me calling him in because there was something wrong with my dishwasher. I had loaded it up and started it running before I went on vacation, but when I pulled it open to get the dishes out, they were still a little dirty, it was so weird, could you come over and take a look? When he rummaged in the dishwasher… oh, dear, I'm so embarrassed, here, give me that, I don't know how I could have forgotten… yup, the dildo that I was cleaning in the dishwasher had jammed up the sprayer. Oh dear. But I'm glad it's okay! I sure wanted it while I was on vacation! None of the guys I met were really well equipped. But YOU, Handyman, you always have the right tools for the job!

And then of course it's all over but the fucking (dildo demonstration, then standing while bent over the bed or doggy-style, please leave the stockings and heels on!).

I feel like the Handyman probably watches a lot of porn, but still gets drawn into the little plot that is there: "Oh wow, what's going to happen now? She doesn't have enough money to pay for the pizza!" His engagement with the non-sex action is … cute. I don't know why he needs me to help him lay it out, but I'm glad he does.

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