CALL OF THE DAY: the many lies of Lesbian Surfer Dude
Iâ€™m never sure what itâ€™s about when a regular tells me theyâ€™re going to be calling me less frequently. Maybe they feel a connection and donâ€™t want me to be concerned or confused. Maybe they are trying to convince themselves that theyâ€™re going to be cutting back, because they got their bill for the previous month and theyâ€™re going through a bout of buyerâ€™s remorse. Usually they do end up calling back eventually, and rarely do they offer any explanation for their absence.
Lesbian Surfer Dude has been one of these callers. In the last year or so, itâ€™s mostly been about his new girlfriend. He offers her up as the reason that heâ€™s going to be cutting back. Of course I tell him Iâ€™m happy for him. I honestly am happy for him. I do believe that if my callersâ€”hell, if everyone everywhereâ€”could get their sexual needs met by their partners or other caring people in their lives, the world would be a better place.
So when LSD has told me about going off on road trips with his girlfriend, or in any other way that heâ€™s going to be spending more time with her, I have been 100% supportive and in no way offering recrimination or guilt trips or anything. Good, I say, Iâ€™m glad. I hope you really have a great time.
But I also asked him once whether his girlfriend knew about his fantasies, whether he ever shared them with herâ€”not to pressure him to do so, just curiousâ€”and he firmly came down on the side of â€œNo way, she would never be into it.â€ Right. That cleared the table, and I never asked again.
He called last week, after a couple of monthsâ€™ absence. He had warned me that he was probably not going to call anymore, but he and I have done this cycle before, so I wasnâ€™t surprised to hear from him again. As a conversation starter, I asked him, so what have you been up to? Itâ€™s been a while. And he so casually said, â€œWell, I got married on Friday.â€
What, last Friday? As in three days ago?
Is it the girl that youâ€™ve been going out with for a while?
â€œYeah, sheâ€™s awesome.â€
Oh! Well! Congratulations!
And then we went on with the usual, where he pretends to be a girl named Wendy and I am a hot woman of some random girl-on-girl-porno profession, but always sweaty and foul-mouthed and very into frottage all over his luscious ass before fucking his lesbian pussy with a strap-on and begging for him to do the same.
Every muscle in my throat was aching to let me say something like, why are you calling me, three days after your wedding? Why arenâ€™t you on your honeymoon? Why have you married someone who you will seemingly want to hide one of your sex things from forever? How do you think she will feel if she ever accidentally finds out?Â
Of course I didnâ€™t ask. My priorities are authenticity in my sexual relationships, but those are not everyoneâ€™s. People are scared. People compartmentalize. Maybe he just doesnâ€™t see this as important enough to share with anyone. Why go through the stress of that awkward conversation, when he can just call up and work it out once a month with someone whom he will never look at over the breakfast table and wonder if sheâ€™s secretly disgusted with him? Itâ€™s not the kind of relationship Iâ€™d want, but hey. Heâ€™s the one paying for it.
So congratulations, Lesbian Surfer Dude, and every other dudeÂ who marries someone but gets their yayas out with a sex worker on the side. I hope you stay with your partner long enough, and get comfortable enough, that you can tell them more about yourself some day. Thatâ€™s my wedding wish to you.
In two months I’m giving up phone sex as a source of income, and I’m trying to pick up the slack with my Patreon work. If you love what I do, here on my blog and out in the world, become a patron and make your small per-piece pledge part of something bigger!