CALL OF THE DAY: The Fuck Bandits ride again
So THAT’S how they get their lawn so green…
Oh, hey! It’s been a little while! (Over six months, but I can never say exactly how long, don’t want to give away my record-keeping system)
“Yeah, I called a couple of times, they said you took some time off. What have you been up to?”
You know, traveling more. I was over in the UK. I’m still performing.
“Right! Didn’t you say you did a play about phone sex?”
<gulp> I don’t think I told you that. (I don’t think I did, I’m usually very cagey about my show content with the few callers who know I perform.)
“I was just thinking, it’s funny that people in the audience of that show get to see you, but your clients don’t. Have you ever had anyone come up and say they recognized your voice?”
(Sigh. Even callers are asking me that question now.) No, and I don’t think they would. There’s too much stigma about using phone sex services, you know?
“That’s really true. I was listening to a radio station in the area, they do this sort of second-date follow-up show, where if people aren’t responding after a first date, the radio show tracks them down and finds out what’s up. The other day a girl called in and said the guy wasn’t getting back to her. They followed up with him, and he said, ‘She told me she had done phone sex, and I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.’ And I was thinking, what an idiot!”
I know! You should totally want to go out with a phone sex operator! We have the best imaginations!”
“Exactly. So, how about today we get out there in the yard, and maybe a neighbor will look over the fence and catch us at it?”
(20-minute fantasy role-play with lots of sound effects and bodily fluids ensues)
“That would be so fun to do!”
You just gotta get out in the yard and do it!
“I don’t actually have a yard. Or a fence.”
Oh! Well…. remember that time we went and found an empty model home and fucked in every room and then scrawled FUCK BANDITS on the wall with my menstrual blood?
“YES, that was amazing!”
Well, we just need to do that with a house that has a yard and a fence and a busy body neighbor.
“Next time. We’ll do that next time.”