FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “how can you have your asshole licked without being anxious about it?”

How much do you think a person should “prepare” for anal play, in terms of hygiene, trimming, cleaning, etc? Like, how can you have your asshole licked without being anxious about it?

I would like to rephrase those two questions, and I will address both.

  • What’s the protocol for anal hygiene when one hopes/plans to get one’s ass licked?
  • How can I stop feeling anxious about having my asshole licked?

Pro tip: the answer to question 1 is not the only thing informing the answer to question 2.

There are a few considerations for question 1, and mostly that depends on how comfortable you feel about getting feedback on your anal hygiene, and how deep might your partner be planning to go, outside of the whole tongue-on-ass thing.

If you would feel any shame or embarrassment about them stopping at that first lick and saying, “um, would you mind cleaning out a little more down there?” then you need to be extra thorough in your ablutions. A good, strong shower stream is your friend here. Spread the cheeks and really get in there, both for the wash (soap) and rinse cycle, and do wash up inside the rectum a little, that extra half-inch is enough, if you think your play partner is particularly hungry.

(Just a note: having your partner ask for extra cleaning is not going to kill you, nor is it a judgement about your general cleanliness. Sometimes we’re in a rush and miss a spot. If it happens to you, get up and both of you go to the shower and make a game out of it: let them wash you this time.)

I personally don’t care about any hair, when I’m going down on someone’s ass, but some people do. When people talk about hair around the butt, that’s usually code for “ew, but won’t some poo get trapped,” which that thorough washing would handle, anyway. There is also some chance, if you’re being particularly vigorous in your activities back there, that body hair could get trapped and tugged during the activities. If that’s a problem for the person, or even if the person doing the licking/fucking, then yes, trimming or depilation needs to be discussed.

If all of this analingus is leading to something else—you’ve already agreed on fingers, dildo, dick, or other things in the bum—then whoever is receiving needs to clean deeper. I personally use an enema bulb and fill it with warm water from the tap, and keep using it until the water I expel is clear. Following that up with a warm lower-body shower and thorough external wash, I am good for anything that happens.

(Note: disposable enemas, sold with a solution already inside them, aren’t going to be enough to clean you in one go, and also the solution included in them can be irritating to some people’s bowels. You’re better off investing in an enema bulb, if you think someone is going to be diving in deep.)

Here’s the thing, though: however thoroughly you clean, if you feel anxious about having your ass licked, you can flush out a dozen times and have that water running out you looking like pristine glacier melt, and you’re STILL going to feel anxious.

What I do/did to try to get over that:

  • don’t eat foods on the day of that you know give your tummy problems.
  • go to the bathroom really, um, well right before sex. Dump thoroughly, is what I’m saying, before you get in and scrub.
  • ask for reassurance at several points along the way.
  • include ass-licking in with general play, not as its own separate event. When I get wild about other stuff, that kinda takes my mind off the scary ass-licking.
  • go sooooo slow with the butt stuff! Part of my anxiety around someone performing analingus on me is the fear that I’m going to get too excited and accidentally fart or worse. Going slow alleviates that worry, for me.

And finally: eat your partner’s ass first, if they are good with that. Once you’ve been on that side of the equation, you will see that the experience doesn’t match your anxiety at all. It’s just another twitchy, hungry little hole, and if it’s cleaned out it’s delightful.


There’s room in my vision of the future for general, sex-aware relationship practices, and also lots of consensual butt sex. if you support all of that, consider throwing down some cha-ching and becoming a patron of mine over on Patreon (which will NOT be implementing that shitty new fee structure, hooray!). Your pledge-per-piece makes my work possible. Thank you.

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