CALL OF THE DAY: lead singer in the ass choir

He is one of my ass men, not the archetypal one, the one that made it into my play Phone Whore, but this caller is still quite noteworthy, and not just because he has the same first name (and spelling!) of one of my brothers (eep!). No, people could actually learn a lot from him, for both phone and in-person sex. That’s why I’m honoring him today, for his …

Can I get an amen for that ass?

Can I get an amen for that ass?

1) Enthusiasm. Now, it doesn’t hurt that he’s got amazing extemporaneous speaking skills and a deep, swinging Southern accent—have I mentioned that I’m a sucker for Southern accents?—but when he waxes eloquent about my ass and what he wants to do to it, I swear to GOD, sometimes he sounds like a preacher raising his arms up to the roof and calling on the choir to join him in praise. He is liberal with the “Good God!”s and the “Lord have mercy”s, but he’s not too religious for the occasional “oh my god, girl, that sweet little pucker of yours is drivin’ me CRAZY!”

He rarely runs out of verbal steam, but even when he’s taking a break, when he has to step out of the whirlwind for a moment to catch his breath, he still stays in the game with grunts and groans in response to what I’m saying, “uh huh” and “oh my god”. All that non-verbal noise tells me that he’s connected, even when he can’t actually tell me himself in words.

2) Attention to detail. A few days ago, when he described how he was going to lick my slit from ass to clit, first of all, he didn’t phrase it that way, as catchy as that particular formula is, from a poetic point of view. No, he said, and I quote,

“Girl, I’m going to dig my fingers into those ass cheeks, crack you wide open, and start right there at the small of your back, gonna lick you down. By the time I get to your pussy, uh HUH, that is getting nasty down there, by the time I get to your pussy my nose is gonna be right up in your asshole and my face is gonna be wet from all that drool I’m dripping down.”

See what I mean? That is a lot of detail, AND it’s realistic, too. This is a gentleman who has either spent a lot of time eating asses or has thought a lot about what actually goes into it. I mean, I cram as much detail as possible into my calls, but my skills have been honed by working so much. This guy is, apparently, a natural.

Both of these trait—verve and detail—give me a lot to play with. His calls are easy, because he already brings a lot to the sandbox. Sex should be like this more often.


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