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Cameryn gets down and dirty in the Burren’s comedy contest!

Title: Cameryn gets down and dirty in the Burren's comedy contest!
Location: 247 Elm St. (Davis Sq), Somerville
Description: Every Wednesday night, seven comedians do 7-minute sets, and the $50 prize goes to the person who gets the most applause at the end. I'm not above stacking the house, so if you're a Cameryn Moore fan in the Boston area, get your ass out there!
Start Time: 22:00
Date: 2010-01-13

Friday f*ckbucket: the sexy-time stretch goal

Last week's f*ckbucket question: what sexual act or kink play have you never tried, but really want to? Why haven't you done it yet?

I love the answers that came out of the bucket! These are fantastic things to aim for...

  • Being gagged with a ball gag. Sex toys are expensive! Le sigh.

I think you mean quality sex toys are expensive, and yes, that's very true. Especially anything you strap around your body, you want it to be comfortable, right? Good-quality ball gags are worth saving up for. I already have a wonderful one, and now I'm saving up for the kind with interchangeable pieces for the mouth, so I can switch out between balls of different sizes (yes, motherfucker, that's what she said) and mouth plugs or small dildos, and also those mad-dentist-looking mouth gags. Because a girl should have options!

  • fisting - haven't tried because a comfortable atmosphere for it hasn't been created, but ooooh it definitely will in the future!

Lessee... comfortable atmosphere for fisting.... Drop cloth, check. Six-pack of Bounty two-ply towels, check. Ten-gallon bucket o' lube, check. Well-trimmed fingernails and/or gloves, check. Easily adjusted central heating, check. A thorough enema, if you're going for anal, check. AAANNNDDD, a fister you can count on to listen to you... that is harder to find. Good luck, set your safewords, and go for it!

  • Have a three way with two men ( I am f) I havent found the ppl I can trust and feel comfortable with?

Hmmmyup. Three-ways always need that comfort level, and then you've gotta trust them not to blather it all over the world that you're a cock-hungry nympho, or something like that (my junior year in college was... awkward, for exactly this reason). It also strikes me that for a M-F-M threeway, you're gonna want guys who are hot for your bod, and at the same time who feel comfortable being that close to another man's dick. Bi, in other words, or else very, very comfortable in their own sense of masculinity.

  • tribadism

Definitely worth a try, but they didn't leave a reason why they haven't done it yet, so I can't help any further.

  • pegging

Here's where all the issues converge: the trust and the expensive equipment and the confidentiality and patience and issues of masculinity, all bundled up in one delicious act. (For those who don't know, pegging is when a woman penetrates a man with a strap-on?) My advice here? Women, be patient. Men, restrain your ambition.

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This week, rather than you answering a question of mine, I want to return to the origins of f*ckbucketry and have you pose questions to me. Any question about sex, phone sex, fantasies, kink, etc... If I don't know the answer or at least have an opinion--not likely to happen, but it could!--I will at least talk to an expert in that particular field, or put in some useful URLs for you to get into trouble about at work. To submit your question, just click on this link to go to the anonymous survey. A selection of questions, plus my responses, will be posted next Friday, along with the next f*ckbucket.

stand-up comedy, kink, and you

Finally got some footage from one of these comedy open mikes, so those of you not able to catch my comedy shtick live can at least get a taste of it.

I call it shtick, but that doesn't do justice to how seriously I take these sets. Every time I do stand-up in a new room, I'm constantly debating myself about which anecdotes and observations to use, what threads of my own thoughts to follow, what level of gutter talk to use, because in most cases I have no idea about what pre-existing level of sex positivity and kink acceptance the audience has, and that affects their response to my material more than almost anything, I think.

I feel a lot of responsibility for how I present my work, and it's not just because I respect my callers, or at least I respect their urge toward sexual release. It's also because I want the audience to get closer to that sort of respect, too, if they aren't already there. I'm not going to be malicious or scornful about my callers and their desires, because if anyone in the audience shares those desires, I don't want them to close down even further about them in their own lives.

Sometimes I look at my material and wonder people think that I'm going for shock value. I mean, I am, a little, or I wouldn't insist that the hosts introduce me with my full title. But I also want to try to move beyond that in my stand-up, get to the juicy stuff, the taboo and fantasy stuff, the psychology, and I just feel like I'm going to be stuck wrestling with sex ed 101 and puritan value systems the whole time.

Sometimes I wonder if, because it's my work, because it's real, the sex talk is somehow less acceptable than the stuff the real comics spew out, which everyone understands is fake. Of course I'm going to be as explicit as I need to be about the work that I do, because for fuck's sake, it's my work. And I do want to put it out there the way it's put to me. On the other hand, audiences vary widely in their understanding and acceptance of sex, fantasy, and kink. How much does my language about those issues ffect how they hear me?

Sigh.

I don't know if it's possible, but I want to find that bridge that's going to enable us to meet somewhere in the middle, where I feel like at least some tiny fragment of my work is getting across and they feel like they can safely laugh. This set is actually my first attempt to approach that bridge in a meta way, my first real-time explication of Cameryn's General Theory of Kink Relativity...

e[lust] #4: dig in with both hands, people

Last week I submitted my cuckold post to a new smut/sex carnival list, e[lust], and here's #4. Lots of amazing blogs to read in between taking calls, writing new jokes, and updating my facebook status, so I'm psyched, and I'm extra glad to be able to share these sexy-time blogs with you, too... Stay tuned tomorrow for a new feature, F*ckbucket!

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Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in the next edition? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

♦ This Week’s Top Three Posts ♦

Interrogation - I looked up at him, feigning cluelessness. “I know you can understand me. So I ask you again. Where are the lenses?” Another strike. I crumpled into the bench.

Reconciling the Identities of Feminist & Butch Top - There’s something supposedly anti-feminist about wanting to dominate. There’s something in the feminist rhetoric which says we are all equal especially in bed, so that means I-do-you-you-do-me….

Fire and IceThe rain comes down harder around us, the freez­ing drop pelt­ing what­ever skin lies exposed over the sur­face of the water.

e[lust] Editress

By the Twinkling Lights… - His lips found my nipples and I forgot about the cold. If a car were to drive by and the passengers were to look past the twinkling lights on the tree, they would have seen a naked woman’s rear end pressed against the glass wall..

♦ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick)

Ronjazz: Late Night Rendezvous - Meet me in the parking lot at the post with the broken lamp. 10PM sharp! Do not be late! Stand facing the post, eyes closed. Wear a flimsy dress and heels – nothing else!

See also: Pleasurists #58 and #59 for all your sex toy review needs

Erotic Writing

Adoration
Diary Of A Pissed Off Wife
Happy Halloween
Heartbreak hotel
Heat
Lips…Tongue…Taste
Marathon Sex
Not Always, But Often: Part 1
Our (Sorta) Intro to BDSM
Rising above the Background
Sex at 2am
The Babysitter
The Chair
The Beginning?
The Pleasure Chest
The Slut Chronicles #10 ~ The Interview
The Walk
Today’s Specials: Orgasms, Wet Panties, and Margaritas
Twinkling Heat
We are glass
What I Want

Kink & Fetish

Amber’s New Dungeon

Awesome Body Mod Night
Co-Hypno-Topping
Day of Debauchery
Go Ask Teresa: Mothers
Helpless
Jack was a Picky Eater
Kissing Noises
My very first experience of BDSM
Mouth
Play Piercing? Seriously? Why?!?
Sounds and Catheters
The Taking of M

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Aftercare, Part I: The Basics

Ask The Negress: Privacy & Perversion.
Boundaries…
Do Slaves Deserve Love?

Gyne-Vestiphobia: Fear of Women’s Clothing
Let There Be Love
On My Experience With Sex Toys
Riding The Crimson Wave – Having Sex On Your Period
The Gangbang as Social Commentary
Titty Fucking

TPE (Total Power Exchange): A Novice’s Perspective
Weekend Fun

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

December 17th
God rest ye, merry cuckold!
You’ve Got To Be Nuts

I’m a mad-scientist-mind reader

Something I've been saying now for weeks and weeks--both here on the blog and out in barrooms full of slightly drunk strangers--is that good phone sex takes skill. I mean, it takes skillS, as in high levels of ability and strong inclination measured along multiple axes. There's the verbal aspect, the knowledge base, the outgoing personality, and there's the mad-fucking-psychic-mind-reader element, also known as empathy.

Here's the thing, though: Normal people use empathy in its original sense (being able to feel what another person is feeling) to help them have pity on or comfort others. PSOs use empathy as a launch point for our carefully twisted psycho-libidinal probes. I guess the end result is still giving comfort, but damn, sometimes I feel like an emotional mad scientist when I'm working at getting at the goods.

I'm not saying every caller needs a lot of work; when they tell you to bend over and spread your ass cheeks, it doesn't take any kind of emotional sensitivity to understand what they're going for. I'm also not talking about the really obvious strategems like, "Is that porn on in the background? Whatcha watching, anything good?" or even my personal invention, "Top Three", inviting a new caller to join me in sharing the top three things we like to do or talk about sexually. (I make it sound like a game to disguise the fact that it's basically an abbreviated intake interview.)

I'm talking things like...

  • listening for voice volume to realize that they are not able to be dirty with me, and so I'm going to have to step up with the material.
  • catching the first "Yes, Ma'am" as an early warning sign that they are heading to submissive head space.
  • catching the first "Yes, Mistress" and snapping it right back in their face as "I'm not your mistress, I am 'Yes, Ma'am', and don't you forget it."
  • hearing the uncertain tremor in a caller's voice when he talks about his wife's hot best friend and realizing that he doesn't want to fantasize about doing her, he wants to be talked out of it.
  • listening to their response throughout and deciding whether they need a participatory narrator or some nice lady just telling them a bedtime story.

As I think through the twists and turns that my callers take me through, I try to pull out all the ways that I am using my feeling of what they're feeling, and I realize that it's starting to become almost instinctual, as complicated as all the instantaneous calculations that we do when catching a ball. Just like catching that ball, running a good phone sex encounter is obviously not a hardwired skill. But somehow I learned it, learned how to employ my empathy in the service of getting these guys off remotely, and DAMN, it's pretty fucking awesome.

It’s the journey, not the destination: or, Cameryn discovers the peculiar delights of orgasm denial

The longer I work in phone sex, the less often I will experience "firsts". This is a statistical certainty. The corollary for me is: the longer I work in phone sex, the more a "first" will stand out when one occurs. Like yesterday's, when I didn't let a caller come. Twice.

It was the same guy,  B., one of my regular cuckolds who, over the past 5 months, has spun a regular soap opera of a tale around his hot wife and her lesbian lover, who basically humiliated him and fucked his wife silly and then 6 weeks ago handed her over to, wait for it... Jamal. (Oh, my dear, delicious BBC, you are never far away, are you?)

The first time B called yesterday, he was filling me in on his wife's absence for the weekend, and also told me about the panties that he had purchased under my directive, a pair of satin, powder-blue French-cut bikinis that he had bought in a three-pack. He was wearing them under his trousers, at work (he's a financial advisor), and had locked the door and told his secretary to hold all calls.

I could have gotten him to come. Easy. I know my way around his buttons. Just calling him a good girl makes him hyperventilate for a few seconds. But on a whim, I told him to get down in a really humiliating pose, pull his tackle out and let it dangle, and then wiggle his ass around slowly while I told him to think about me watching him. Then I told him to stand up, pull his trousers back up, tuck his shirt in properly, and think about that moment on the floor for the rest of the day.

He called me back in the evening, upon which I accused him of trying to get me to let him come. He denied it passionately, and said he just wanted to let me know that he noticed, when he got home, that his hot wife had not taken her birth control pills with her on the weekend with her black lover. (Duh duh DUHHHHH.) He also said that he had gotten a call from her, and that they were going to be coming over in 15 minutes.

What did I do? I told him to put on the thigh-high stockings that he had purchased, also at my command, and wear those under his at-home pants. And then make sure that there was plenty of beer chilling in the fridge, because he's a good girl and I expect him to give good service. I told him to make sure and add this second call to the journal that I'm making him keep of when he gets an erection. And then I said good night.

I don't know why I did it that way. It just seemed like the right approach for him. And afterward I had to smile. Easiest money I ever made NOT getting a guy off. I wonder how long I--and he--can keep it up?

So a PSO walks into this bar…

I did this little out-of-the-way comedy open mike last night. Why? Because I have so much fucking free time. Seriously, I'm learning to do stand-up as an extra artistic product that I can peddle on the Phone Whore 2010 tour.

It was going well, I thought. The five bar patrons were really paying attention, and I wasn't using cards or anything (unlike half of the other performers). People laughed at my BBC joke--this lovely little layered confection of race and homoeroticism, which I thought might be too much for the rural-suburban rundown hotel bar--and the loudmouthed barfly on stage left didn't heckle me at all. I felt pretty lucky, actually.

I ended by taking three questions from the audience. They jumped all over that shit, so not a bad way to wrap it up. But ladies and gentlemen, if I'm going to do that again, I need a quick, smart-ass answer for a common question that really chaps my ass:

Do you get off?

Right there, see, the assumption, the stereotype that every sex worker is just a nymphomaniac with a good manager.

The true answer for me is, occasionally. Once in a while, a regular stumbles upon something that's interesting to me, I'm bored, and I'll jack off. That's happened twice in the past seven months. More often than not, I just enjoy setting the scene, even if I don't get off. (As a slightly co-dependent top, when my bottom is coming, I get a rush anyway, and a little burst of twisted pride: I did that!)

But see, when I say "occasionally" to a caller, that's marketing. He's asking because he wants to be special, and my answer tells him that he is.

When I say "occasionally" to the drunk dude in a bar, I'm feeding a fantasy for free. He's not special, he's clearly a douche. Watching the guy last night elbow his friends and sit back all smug, I knew that the only payment for me, in a situation like that, would be to make him go limp, metaphorically speaking.

The suggestion box is now open.

Cameryn takes it all off at the Naked Comedy Showcase!

Title: Cameryn takes it all off at the Naked Comedy Showcase!
Location: Improv Boston, 40 Prospect St., Cambridge
Link out: Click here
Description: Created and hosted by Boston comic Andy Ofiesh, the NAKED COMEDY SHOWCASE features an eclectic roster of stand-up, sketch, and improv artists, all completely in the buff. Andy has been drawing crowds in with a unique blend of clever wit and nudity in various venues from New York to Boston to Scotland, where he had a full run at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

We can be seen on the first Wednesday of every month of at Improv Boston at 10 PM. Admission is $10

This Wednesday will be headlined by Chris Flemming, and I'm going to be making my comedy--and naked performance--debut!
Start Time: 22:00
Date: 2009-10-07

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Why naked? Partly because I want to start making a name for Cameryn, in a town and performing community that knows me almost entirely by another name. And partly I want to get used to taking enormous risks on stage.

Why comedy? Because my life has only gotten weirder ever since I started doing phone sex, and this seems like one more way of really finding and articulating that weird.

If you're in the Boston area, come out and say hi!

Nature or Nurture? or, how to raise a phone whore

One thing about training for phone sex work is that mostly, it doesn't exist. They toss some supposed transcripts of calls at us, maybe a few lists of synonyms for "vagina" and "penis", and throw us in. My current company let me listen to three or four phone calls before I started, and I could ask questions of the operator after. At the time I thought that was ... insufficient, but after hanging out on a PSO forum and reading about the experiences of other PSOs, I realized my good fortune.

A couple of different schools of thought emerged in this thread about training. One was that just about anybody could learn to be a decent PSO, if they had proper training. The other camp basically believe in survival of the fittest; throw your candidates into the deep end of this really scary, dank pond, they say, and see who resurfaces.

It sounds harsh, but I'm starting to appreciate the sink-or-swim approach. I mean, look at the skill set needed for PSO work: outgoing, talkative, mentally flexible, sexually open, unflappable. It's not even a skill set, is it? It's a personality profile, emerging from life experience in a way that is difficult to trace and impossible to replicate. Like morel mushrooms or edible acorns, they show up where they show up. You can't grow them, you just appreciate them when you find them.

So actually, I don't know how to raise a PSO. (That's just as well; I don't think there's a lot of call for that parenting manual.) But the folks who would try to train people for the lines, their "training packets" are not helpful, either.... "Be yourself." "Follow their lead." "Keep 'em talking." How? HOW?? If the rough-and-tumble, give-and-take of conversation with strangers doesn't come naturally to you already, it sure as shit isn't going to suddenly happen when you're talking about shoving a dirty dildo into someone's mouth.

The truth is, every decent-to-good PSO needs those traits, but we all get there in different ways. Me? I got my go-get-'em chops and assertive voice from being raised in a big family, doing activism, living through a sequence of unlikely personal choices that blew the doors off my sexuality. Someone else might come to it after a lonely childhood, two marriages, and four years of telesales. There's no pattern to it, no sequence of learnings that can be recorded and slipped into a training module.

So we stumble into the deep end, all of us newbies, and some of us, somehow, get our heads above water and breathe. It's a messy way to recruit, but it might be the only way.

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